Zombie
Doom
By Jacob Juntunen
By Jacob Juntunen
For
Jeremy Sony
Two women sit together.
Brandy
So can I stay?
So can I stay?
Erin
Everything’s been so fucked up since Zombie Doom.
Everything’s been so fucked up since Zombie Doom.
Brandy
I’m good at the game. Let me be on your team.
I’m good at the game. Let me be on your team.
Erin
Let’s hear the rest of your story first. Then what did you do?
Let’s hear the rest of your story first. Then what did you do?
Brandy
What could I do? I had to choose between the shotgun and the pistol.
What could I do? I had to choose between the shotgun and the pistol.
Erin
You had bullets?
You had bullets?
Brandy
That was the thing. I only had two shotgun shells left, but I got the pistol off a policeman’s corpse before he reanimated. So I had a full chamber, plus a couple cartridges.
That was the thing. I only had two shotgun shells left, but I got the pistol off a policeman’s corpse before he reanimated. So I had a full chamber, plus a couple cartridges.
Erin
And it’s a 45?
And it’s a 45?
Brandy
Police-issue. Anyway, I went with the shotgun and got a one of them, but the other one wasn’t a clean head shot, and you know how if you don’t hit that bull’s eye target, they don’t go down? So, yeah. Had to run.
Police-issue. Anyway, I went with the shotgun and got a one of them, but the other one wasn’t a clean head shot, and you know how if you don’t hit that bull’s eye target, they don’t go down? So, yeah. Had to run.
Erin
You’re telling me running’s your special skill?
You’re telling me running’s your special skill?
Brandy
Hotwiring’s my special skill. I took the police car right out of that parking garage. Ran over a bunch of ‘em.
Hotwiring’s my special skill. I took the police car right out of that parking garage. Ran over a bunch of ‘em.
Erin
Nice.
Nice.
Brandy
I don’t know if that kills ‘em, though.
I don’t know if that kills ‘em, though.
Erin
Only if you crush the head. Gotta see brains. It should be rated R.
Only if you crush the head. Gotta see brains. It should be rated R.
Brandy
Yeah, right. “Hey, kids, don’t try this at home.”
Yeah, right. “Hey, kids, don’t try this at home.”
Erin
Except it’s kids that are best at it.
Except it’s kids that are best at it.
Brandy
I know, right?
I know, right?
Erin
Well, they grew up with it.
Well, they grew up with it.
Brandy
I don’t know if I even want to have kids now, in this culture.
I don’t know if I even want to have kids now, in this culture.
Erin
Don’t tell Tom that, though.
Don’t tell Tom that, though.
Brandy
Oh, shit. That’s not a problem for you, is it?
Oh, shit. That’s not a problem for you, is it?
Erin
I don’t care whether you have kids. I stayed on the pill as long as I could. But Tom wants to repopulate the Earth or some shit. No woman’s going to stay here without getting fucked.
I don’t care whether you have kids. I stayed on the pill as long as I could. But Tom wants to repopulate the Earth or some shit. No woman’s going to stay here without getting fucked.
Brandy
Jesus. He’s your husband.
Jesus. He’s your husband.
Erin
Yeah, well, those distinctions don’t seem to matter now after Zombie Doom.
Yeah, well, those distinctions don’t seem to matter now after Zombie Doom.
Brandy
Aren’t you jealous?
Aren’t you jealous?
Erin
It’s not like I can go anywhere. And I can’t run the farm without him.
It’s not like I can go anywhere. And I can’t run the farm without him.
Brandy
Shit. Well. All right, if fucking’s part of the package, whatever, I’ll deal. I can’t keep running. I need to stay with you guys. You’re the first uninfected people I’ve met that have a working farm still. I’ve got the shotgun—
Shit. Well. All right, if fucking’s part of the package, whatever, I’ll deal. I can’t keep running. I need to stay with you guys. You’re the first uninfected people I’ve met that have a working farm still. I’ve got the shotgun—
Brandy
But no shells—
But no shells—
Erin
Hey, it works, all right? Plus the pistol and a couple full cartridges. The cop car’s got half a tank of gas, billy club, tools in the trunk. And, I’ve got seeds.
Hey, it works, all right? Plus the pistol and a couple full cartridges. The cop car’s got half a tank of gas, billy club, tools in the trunk. And, I’ve got seeds.
Brandy
What kind?
What kind?
Erin
Wheat. Corn. Carrots.
Wheat. Corn. Carrots.
Brandy
Where’d you get seeds?
Where’d you get seeds?
Erin
There’s a general store in Amesville no one got to yet.
There’s a general store in Amesville no one got to yet.
Brandy
Bullshit.
Bullshit.
Erin
The seeds are in the car if you don’t believe me.
The seeds are in the car if you don’t believe me.
Brandy
Let’s go take a look. If you’ve got seeds and can deal with Tom’s repopulation plans, looks like you can stay.
Let’s go take a look. If you’ve got seeds and can deal with Tom’s repopulation plans, looks like you can stay.
Jacob is head of
playwriting at Southern Illinois University, Carbondale.
Read his full lengths here.
Read his full lengths here.
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