Ghosts
By Jacob Juntunen
By Jacob Juntunen
(WOMAN is supine on the floor. MAN kneels over her,
cradling her head)
WOMAN
Don’t forget me…
Don’t forget me…
MAN
Don’t go! Don’t leave me!
Don’t go! Don’t leave me!
WOMAN
I’m sorry…
I’m sorry…
(WOMAN dies)
MAN
Noooooooooooooo!
Noooooooooooooo!
(MAN sobs. After a moment, WOMAN, looking somewhat
surprised, sits up.)
WOMAN
It’s okay.
It’s okay.
MAN
You’re alive!
You’re alive!
WOMAN
No, I’m dead, but now you have super powers and can see ghosts.
No, I’m dead, but now you have super powers and can see ghosts.
MAN
Okay, this isn’t funny, I’m calling an ambulance.
Okay, this isn’t funny, I’m calling an ambulance.
WOMAN
Nope. I’m dead. Seventeen bullets don’t lie.
Nope. I’m dead. Seventeen bullets don’t lie.
MAN
That was sort of overkill for a mugging, don’t you think?
That was sort of overkill for a mugging, don’t you think?
WOMAN
Hey, they did the job.
Hey, they did the job.
(WOMAN stands, brushing herself off)
MAN
If you’re a ghost, how come I can’t see your body? And you’re not, you know, floating around and transluscent?
If you’re a ghost, how come I can’t see your body? And you’re not, you know, floating around and transluscent?
WOMAN
You’re focused on the spiritual plain now; my body’s still lying there. You just don’t see it anymore.
You’re focused on the spiritual plain now; my body’s still lying there. You just don’t see it anymore.
MAN
So, what, Patrick Swayze’s going to come serenade me with Henry the Eighth all night now?
So, what, Patrick Swayze’s going to come serenade me with Henry the Eighth all night now?
WOMAN
I think it’s more of a “you have to save the world from demons” sort of super power.
I think it’s more of a “you have to save the world from demons” sort of super power.
MAN
So Joss Whedon’s in one of these bushes filming all this?
So Joss Whedon’s in one of these bushes filming all this?
WOMAN
More like Seth MacFarlane with all the pop culture references.
More like Seth MacFarlane with all the pop culture references.
MAN
Listen, I don’t care about my super powers, or what director’s style is most like my circumstance, all I want is you to stay with me.
Listen, I don’t care about my super powers, or what director’s style is most like my circumstance, all I want is you to stay with me.
WOMAN
Can’t. Sorry. They’re waiting for me.
Can’t. Sorry. They’re waiting for me.
MAN
Who is?
Who is?
WOMAN
Everyone else in heaven.
Everyone else in heaven.
MAN
But how can I go on without you?
But how can I go on without you?
WOMAN
You’ll be okay. You’ll save the world some, and, when you die, I’ll come get you.
You’ll be okay. You’ll save the world some, and, when you die, I’ll come get you.
MAN
Like Last of the Mohicans reversed?
Like Last of the Mohicans reversed?
WOMAN
(imitating Daniel Day-Lewis) Stay dead! I will find you!
(imitating Daniel Day-Lewis) Stay dead! I will find you!
MAN
You promise?
You promise?
WOMAN
You can count on me, like a structural rule on Law and Order.
You can count on me, like a structural rule on Law and Order.
(They embrace. Blackout.)
Jacob is head of
playwriting at Southern Illinois University, Carbondale.
Read his full lengths here.
Read his full lengths here.
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