Petsitting

Petsitting
by Jacob Juntunen

MAN
So if you could just give her three scoops of food in the morning and two at night, that would be great. Make sure her water bowl is full, of course—

WOMAN
Sure, Professor, and thanks for typing it all out—

MAN
But, most important, give her a primary experience a day.

WOMAN
Is that some kind of dog treat?

MAN
A treat for her mind! A new event! Maybe you go somewhere new on her walk, or introduce her to a new dog. If you make sure young dogs get a primary experience every day, when they’re older they won’t be afraid of new events.

WOMAN
How will I know if something is new for Misty?

MAN
Well, if you turn to the appendix, I’ve listed a number of—

WOMAN
Great. Got it. You just enjoy your time with your mother.

MAN
It’s so hard to find a good petsitter over the holidays. It means so much with mother getting older—

WOMAN
Well, I love animals and I’m happy to help you—

MAN
—and you staying the night here while I’m gone, that’s just really above and beyond—

WOMAN
Stay the night?

MAN
Was I unclear?

WOMAN
Um.

MAN
Misty can’t be alone at night. Dogs are social animals—

WOMAN
Maybe spending the night alone would be a good primary experience?

MAN
What if she needs to go out and you’re not here? She’s still young, her bladder’s small—

WOMAN
Look, Professor, I have homework to do over break, and all my books are—

MAN
Can’t you just bring your books here?

WOMAN
Well, I don’t have a laptop and—

MAN
Use my computer. Eat, drink, anything you want in the house. I have some good scotch. Beer. Misty’s never been on her own, and I’d really like to see Mom since she’s been in the hospital for a few months.

WOMAN
Oh, is she okay?

MAN
She’s getting released. I’m going to help her get settled back home and spend the holiday with her.

WOMAN
Well. I guess I could stay here.

MAN
Great. So I’ll see you on Monday.

WOMAN
Wait, you said pet-sitting until Sunday.

MAN
Right, through Sunday, so I’ll be back Monday.

WOMAN
Well, no, I can’t do that, I’m supposed to drive to my parents on Sunday night—

MAN
I already have my plane tickets, I can’t just change—

WOMAN
But this isn’t what we agreed to—

MAN
This is exactly what we agreed to, I said through Sunday, meaning coming back on Monday—

WOMAN
But everyone’s still going to be at my parents on Sunday, and some have to leave Monday, so if I’m not there Sunday, I won’t see my niece, and I haven’t even met her yet—

MAN
I’m sure you’ll have plenty of other times to meet your niece—

WOMAN
I agreed to stay until Sunday, to come a couple times a day, not to spend the nights and stay, this whole time of year, people are just looking for what’s on sale, what they can get—

MAN
I’m not going to be able to find anyone else this last minute. Do you want me to cancel my trip?

WOMAN
Fine. Just go. Okay? Have a good time.

MAN
Great. See you Monday.

WOMAN
Damn it.

Blackout.

Lights up on the WOMAN.

WOMAN
(on phone) He didn’t tell me what time he’s getting home, Mom, he just said Monday. He left me this three page note on primary experiences for his dog, but didn’t— Yeah, new experiences or something— I don’t know, to educate— I know they changed their plans so I could meet Annie, but—

(MAN enters)

MAN
Hello.

WOMAN
He’s back. I’ll get there as soon as I can. Okay? Bye.

MAN
Misty’s okay?

WOMAN
Perfect.

MAN
Because I couldn’t handle any more—

WOMAN
Okay, so I’m just going to—

MAN
Was that your Mother on the phone?

WOMAN
Yeah, they’re all waiting—

MAN
My mother passed away.

WOMAN
While you were there?

MAN
The doctor’s said she was okay. I brought her home, and last night we had a nice talk about flowers. So many people sent her get well flowers. Then she passed in her sleep.

WOMAN
Did the doctors miss something?

MAN
It happens a lot. One more holiday, you see the family, and just slip away. But thank God you watched Misty. What if I decided getting a petsitter was too hard over the holidays?

WOMAN
Is there anything I can do—

MAN
Actually, I have to go back and take care of things in a few days. Maybe when you get back you could petsit—

WOMAN
Of course.

MAN
And send your mother my holiday wishes and apologies.

WOMAN
Your apologies?

MAN
You only have one mother, and I kept you from seeing her.

WOMAN
I’m going to see her right now.

MAN
Then you should go. And drive careful.

(WOMAN hugs MAN)

WOMAN
Happy Holidays.

MAN
Happy Holidays, dear.

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