As Simple as Black and White

                                                            As Simple as Black and White
                                                            By Jacob Juntunen

Characters:
USHER: Pale skinned man.
MAN 1: Dark skinned man.
WOMAN 1: Light skinned woman.
WOMAN 2: Dark skinned woman.
WOMAN 3: Tan skinned woman.
WOMAN 4: Tan skinned woman.
MAN 2: Caramel skinned man.
MANAGER: Pale skinned man.

Setting:
USHER is alone onstage when MAN 1 and WOMAN 1 enter.

                                                            USHER
Welcome to the Crystal Palace! General admission is standing room only, so whites over here, and blacks over there. The concert will start momentarily.

(MAN 1 and WOMAN 1 both move stage right.)

                                                            USHER
Oh, I’m sorry, ma’am. The white section is over there.

                                                            WOMAN 1
I know.

                                                            MAN 1
What’s the problem?

                                                            USHER
Look, I’m sorry, I don’t make the rules. I don’t care where people stand, but if my manager sees people mixing, I’ll get fired.

                                                            MAN 1
We’re here on a date, we don’t want to make any problems.

                                                            USHER
Listen, I understand. I sympathize, but I got married a couple months ago, a baby’s already on the way, and we used all our savings to put a down-payment on a house. If it were up to me you could stand where ever you—

                                                            WOMAN 1
I’m black.

                                                            USHER
Okay, yeah, I feel solidarity, too, but—

                                                            MAN 1
You white people made the laws. One drop of blood.

                                                            USHER
But she’s paler than I am—

(WOMAN 2 enters.)

                                                            WOMAN 1
Over here!

(WOMAN 1 and 2 hug.)

                                                            WOMAN 1 (cont)

This idiot wants me to stand in the whites only section.

                                                            WOMAN 2
What a lump.

                                                            USHER
I can’t get fired, I’ve got a new mortgage to pay and an usher doesn’t get paid much—

                                                            WOMAN 2
She’s my sister.

                                                            USHER
You’re joking.

                                                            WOMAN 1
White people get mad when I try to pass, and get mad when I try to be black.

                                                            USHER
Is this Candid Camera?

                                                            MAN 1
Get bent.

(WOMAN 3 enters.)

                                                            USHER
Welcome to the Crystal Palace! General admission is standing room only, so whites over here, and blacks over there. The concert will start momentarily.

                                                            WOMAN 3
I’m not.

                                                            USHER
Not what?

                                                            WOMAN 3
White or black.

                                                            USHER
You have to be one or the other.

                                                            MAN 1
Stand with us.

                                                            WOMAN 3
Maybe I’ll just stand in the middle.

                                                            USHER
You can’t stand in the aisle. If the manager comes—

                                                            MAN 1 and WOMAN 1
You’ll get fired.

                                                            WOMAN 2
Give us a break.

(WOMAN 4 enters.)

                                                            USHER
Welcome to the Crystal Palace! General admission is standing room only, so whites over here, and blacks over there. The concert will start momentarily.

                                                            WOMAN 4
I'm down! Brown is my color! Latina is my identifier!

                                                            WOMAN 3
Stand in the aisle with me.

                                                            USHER
No, no, no!

                                                            WOMAN 4
When do the cats start blowing?

                                                            MAN 1
It should have already started.

                                                            USHER
My manager will be up here soon to check on everything, and I can’t have you in the black section—

                                                            WOMAN 1
But I’m black!

                                                            USHER
And no one can be in the aisle!

(ENTER MAN 2)

                                                            USHER
Welcome to the Crystal Palace! General admission is standing room only, so whites over here, and blacks over... So go… Go over… I’m sorry, sir, what color are you?

                                                            MAN 2
Caramel?

                                                            USHER
Okay! Look! I don’t care what’s in your blood! I don’t care who your ancestors are! I don’t care about anything except how dark your skin is! I need all of you with dark skin over here, and all of you with light skin over here so I don’t get fired!

                                                            WOMAN 4
What do you mean by light?

                                                            WOMAN 3
Yeah, I’m sort of light-ish.

                                                            USHER
No! Just—! I CAN’T LOSE MY JOB!

MANAGER enters.

                                                            MANAGER
What’s going on up here?

                                                            USHER
Please, sir, don’t fire me! I’ve been trying to get them to—

                                                            MANAGER
Everyone, listen up. I’m afraid the concert’s been canceled. We don’t allow Jews in here, and somehow no one figured out Benny Goodman was Jewish until he got here.

                                                            MAN 1
Are we getting refunds?

                                                            MANAGER
Your tickets are fully refundable.

(All exit except USHER and MANAGER.)

                                                            USHER
Sorry, sir, I just—

                                                            MANAGER
Shut up. Go downstairs and help with crowd control.

                                                            USHER
Yes, sir.

                                                            MANAGER
Make sure the blacks and whites get in the right lines.

                                                            USHER
I’m not sure it’s quite as simple as—

                                                            MANAGER
How’s your new house?

                                                            USHER
Very nice.

                                                            MANAGER
So?

(A pause)

                                                            USHER
I’ll go downstairs and help with crowd control.

(Blackout)

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Dining Hall

                                                           

                                                            Dining Hall
                                                            By Jacob Juntunen

Characters:
WOMAN 1: A woman in her 20s.
MAN 1: A man in his 20s.
MAN 2: A man in his 20s.
WOMAN 2: A woman in her 20s.
WOMAN 3: A woman in her 20s.
WOMAN 4: A woman in her 20s.
LAWRENCE: A man in his 20s.

Setting:
Woman 1 is alone. Woman 4, Woman 3 and Woman 2 are together. Lawrence is alone. Man 1 and Man 2 are offstage.

                                                            WOMAN 1
(to the audience) I mean, it’s not as bad as high school, but I don’t know if I can stay here for years. Look around the dining hall.

                                                            WOMAN 4

(referring to LAWRENCE) Who’s the new guy?

                                                            WOMAN 2
I think he transferred in.

                                                            WOMAN 3
I should show him around.

                                                            WOMAN 4
Um, I saw him first?

                                                            WOMAN 1
(to audience) Same cliques as high school. Same mean girls.

                                                            WOMAN 3
It doesn’t matter who saw him first. It matters who sees him last. Tonight. Just before the lights get turned out.

                                                            WOMAN 4
Eat your lunch.

                                                            WOMAN 1
But it’s not like I can just leave. I’d be such a disappointment! They helped me with my application; they’re spending so much money to pay my bills; and they’re so happy I’m here. But they’re visiting today before lunch is over, so I’ll have to tell them: I want to leave. Oh, no.

(MAN 1 and MAN 2 enter.)

                                                            WOMAN 1 (cont)
These two finally came out and need all of us to know.

                                                            MAN 1
Hello ladies.

                                                            MAN 2
Hi.

                                                            WOMAN 2
I think there’s an empty table over there.

                                                            MAN 1
We don’t need to sit.

                                                            MAN 2
We’re just getting some food to go.

                                                            MAN 1
Things to do in the room. You know.

                                                            WOMAN 4
Gross.

                                                            WOMAN 3
So just go get your meatloaf and leave.

(MAN 1 and MAN 2 go stand in line.)

                                                            WOMAN 1
I can’t handle all these conservative politics. But I don’t want to hear about people making discoveries about their sexuality, either. I just want to eat lunch. All these people forced together that don’t have anything in common except that we’re here. It should make us more tolerant, I guess, except that we’re all too old, too set in our ways by now.

                                                            WOMAN 4
I need to go talk to a real man after that.

                                                            WOMAN 2
No, no, no—

(WOMAN 4 gets up and walks to LAWRENCE; WOMAN 3 and WOMAN 2 scurry behind WOMAN 4.)

                                                            WOMAN 4
Hey.

                                                            LAWRENCE
Hey.

                                                            WOMAN 4
What’s your name?

                                                            LAWRENCE
Lawrence.

                                                            WOMAN 4
I got a care package in the mail today. Wanna come back to my room after lunch and check it out?

                                                            WOMAN 3
Or I could show you around. There’s a pretty fountain near the gym.

                                                            WOMAN 2
My room doesn’t have a real kitchen, but the commons has a stove. I could bake you a cake…

                                                            LAWRENCE
Ladies, ladies. There’s enough of Lawrence to go around.

                                                            WOMAN 1
I just can’t handle this. We worked so hard to get me in. I was on the waitlist, then a slot opened, and they were able to pay for it somehow. But I’m going to have to tell them: the morals here are too loose, the people too gross. I need to live somewhere else. Lunch is almost over. They’ll be here soon.

(MAN 1 and MAN 2 move to the women and LAWRENCE.)

                                                            MAN 1
Why don’t you come to our room and give something completely new a try?

                                                            WOMAN 4
Gross.

                                                            MAN 2
I never thought I’d be with a guy before I met him. He’s amazing.

                                                            LAWRENCE
Why don’t we all just have some lunch?

                                                            MAN 2
Lunch is almost over.

                                                            MAN 1
My room’s number 3042 if you want to join us. We snuck in some whiskey, even with my heart condition. Just knock three times.

(MAN 1 and MAN 2 exit.)

                                                            WOMAN 3
Forget them. Come for a walk with us instead.

                                                            LAWRENCE
Well, it would have to be a slow one. I lost one of my legs to diabetes a few years back.

                                                            WOMAN 4
Oh.

                                                            WOMAN 2
That’s fine.

                                                            WOMAN 3
Yeah, that’s no problem. Physical therapy here’s the best. Let’s show you the fountain.

(They leave.)

                                                            WOMAN 1
Okay, it’s better than high school. But there’s nothing here for me. I just wait for my kids to call or visit. Every morning I look in the mirror expecting to see a twenty year old, but the wrinkles and gray hair staring back fuck that up. I bet everyone here thinks they look twenty, even if our kids have deposited us here to die. But my kids are going to visit today. And I’m going to tell them sorry for wasting their time and money, but I can’t stay here. That I need to live with them. To see my grandchildren everyday. I took my mother in when she got to be my age. So I don’t deserve to be all alone here. Right? I’ll tell them today. They said they’d be here before lunch is over. They’ll be here. They’ll definitely be here. Any minute now. And they’ll take me home.

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Damned if you Do

                                                           

                                                            Damned if you Do
                                                            By Jacob Juntunen

Characters:
OLDER WOMAN
YOUNG WOMAN
MAN

Setting:
The women sit facing one another at a table. They speak, but seem unaware of each other.

                                                            YOUNGER WOMAN
When my grandmother was young, Krakow was still part of the Habsburg Empire. But she could travel! My grandfather was a jeweler, so they took trips to Austria, Germany, even France. Now everyone needs passports—why should we need a piece of paper just to move about? It’s ridiculous. And of course the bastard Communists aren’t going to give us one.

                                                            OLDER WOMAN
Now that Ryan Air has such cheap flights to Britain, it seems like all the young people are going. Just grab that EU passport and leave. But for what? To become a janitor? All our educated Poles are leaving and doing shit with their lives.

                                                            YOUNGER WOMAN
And Martial Law? Because a bunch of unions want more independence? Are the Soviets so scared of us?

                                                            OLDER WOMAN
And it’s not like the British want us there. Are they scared too many shitty jobs are done by Poles?

                                                            YOUNGER WOMAN
Thousands of Poles imprisoned, hundreds dead, because of strike? Is the Soviet Union so fragile that poor, occupied Poland could crush it?

                                                            OLDER WOMAN
We crippled the Soviet Union, all of us on the front lines, men, women, children, all together, fighting—for this? For McDonald’s, British stag parties treating our women like whores, and a pension I can’t live on?

                                                            YOUNGER WOMAN
The Empires everyone fought to destroy in World War I—was that a mistake? If what replaced them was Communists and passport controls on the frontiers?

                                                            OLDER WOMAN
Was destroying the USSR a mistake if it just means these fucking Brits come here with their companies to get our cheap labor and treat our best and brightest like they’re fucking idiots?

                                                            YOUNGER WOMAN
But at least there’s 100% employment.

                                                            OLDER WOMAN
But at least there’s a free press.

                                                            YOUNGER WOMAN
And almost 100% literacy.

                                                            OLDER WOMAN
And my children can travel.

                                                            YOUNGER WOMAN
And anyone can see a doctor now.

                                                            OLDER WOMAN
And no more censorship.

                                                            YOUNGER WOMAN
And abortion is legal.

                                                            OLDER WOMAN
And we’re finally making peace with Poland’s Jewish heritage.

                                                            YOUNGER WOMAN
And we’re finally seeing women as equal. At least in the law.

                                                            OLDER WOMAN
But at the end of the month, when my pension runs out, I’ve had to beg! Me! Who worked with Solidarity to crush the Soviet Union! “Mr. Gorbachev tear down this wall” my ass.

                                                            YOUNGER WOMAN
But my sister had to flee the country in the boot of a car just because she believes in Solidarity! My sister! You bet your ass I’m working for Solidarity now.

MAN enters.

                                                            MAN
Krystyna?

                                                            YOUNGER WOMAN & OLDER WOMAN
What is it?

                                                            MAN
Please stop talking about the past?

                                                            YOUNGER WOMAN & OLDER WOMAN
What else is there for me?

                                                            MAN
Well, right now, there’s bed.

MAN exits.

                                                            YOUNGER WOMAN & OLDER WOMAN
To bed, then, to dream of a better future.

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