Cat vs. Dog

Cat vs. Dog

by Jacob Juntunen

CAT: A human
DOG: A human
HUMAN: A human

Setting:
Empty stage.

The CAT enters, stalking around the stage, meowing, purring, playing with spectators.

This continues as long as the audience is enjoying it. Then:

The DOG enters.

                                                            DOG

Bark! Bark! Bark!

The dog barks and chases the CAT who hisses and is miserable. Then, just before the DOG is about to catch the CAT, the HUMAN enters.

                                                            HUMAN
No! Bad dog! Bad dog! Sit! Sit! I said sit!

The DOG sits. The HUMAN takes the dog’s snout in her hands.

                                                            HUMAN
No. No. No chasing the cat. No.

The DOG is repentant.

                                                            HUMAN
Okay. Good dog. You two behave. I don’t want to have to put you out in the rain.

The HUMAN leaves. The DOG sits. Pants. The CAT begins meowing at the audience again, and then moves closer to the DOG.

The CAT moves closer, taunting the dog.

The DOG tries to ignore the CAT.

The CAT runs up and scratches the DOG!

The DOG barks and chases the CAT!

The HUMAN enters!

                                                            HUMAN
What did I just say? What did I just say? No! No! Bad dog! Bad dog! Sit! Sit!

The DOG sits, tries to explain, but the HUMAN can’t understand.

                                                            HUMAN
No chasing the cat. Okay? No more. You be good. I have to get the kitchen clean, so you two just be good out here.

The HUMAN leaves. The DOG glares at the CAT. The CAT smiles.

The CAT parades around the audience, smiling, meowing, purring.

The DOG ignores the CAT.

The CAT moves closer to the DOG, taunting.

The DOG is having trouble ignoring the CAT, but manages.

The CAT runs up and scratches the DOG!

The DOG starts to chase – but stops.

The CAT continues stalking the DOG – another scratch! But, again, the DOG resists chasing.

The CAT smiles: a new plan. The CAT runs up to the DOG, lies on the ground, and:

                                                            CAT
Bark! Bark! Bark!

The HUMAN runs on.

                                                            HUMAN
Bad dog! Bad dog! What did you do to the cat? That’s it, you’re going out! I don’t care if it’s raining, out you go! Come on! Out! Out! Out!

The HUMAN and the DOG exit, the DOG glaring at the CAT.

                                                            CAT
(proud, to the audience) Meow.

Blackout.

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