The Best Night of His Life

THE BEST NIGHT OF HIS LIFE

BY JACOB JUNTUNEN

(An African American BOY and Caucasian GIRL enter, excited and out of breath. A Caucasian MAN stands to the side, watching.)

GIRL

Why are we stopping in the mall parking lot?

BOY

I’m tired! I can’t run all the way home. And I want to spin under the stars!

GIRL

In the mall parking lot?

BOY

That was the best dance ever!

GIRL

Even with the stupid "under the sea" theme?

BOY

The gym should always be covered in blue crepe paper.

GIRL

Happiness is ruining your taste. Come on. Let’s get home.

BOY

It was like The Little Mermaid.

GIRL

It was like the party store vomited its entire stock of sea foam and teal bunting--

BOY

This is the best night of my life.

GIRL

Better than when we drove to Orlando?

BOY

It's only an hour away. I've been to Orlando a hundred times.

GIRL

Better than meeting Ariel at Disney World?

BOY

Who wants to meet an out of work actor in a fake tail?

GIRL

Better than Ariel making you an honorary princess?

BOY

Well, that was pretty good.

GIRL

Better than that?

(a pause)

BOY

Yes! Tonight is better than that. Did you see Christina in her tux dancing with Rebecca?

GIRL

Did you see Matt and Tony leave holding hands? How's the football team going to handle that?

BOY

"I wanna be where the people are!"

GIRL

"I wanna see!"

GIRL AND BOY

"I wanna see them dancing!"

GIRL

I saw you with Mark.

BOY

No you didn't.

GIRL

I didn't even know Mark liked boys.

BOY

What's wrong? Is the straight, blonde girl jealous of the black gay boy after prom?

GIRL

I only went out with you out of pity.

BOY

Maybe Mark didn't know he liked boys before he met me.

GIRL

You're disgusting.

BOY

Some of us just have it.

GIRL

Stop it.

BOY

(tickling her)

Admit it! Admit it!

GIRL

(laughing)

Stop! Stop! Stop!

(BOY and GIRL freeze; suddenly the MAN steps forward)

MAN

(addressing the audience)

That's exactly what she was saying, your Honor.

(GIRL also addresses the audience; BOY faces blankly forward)

GIRL

He was only tickling me, your Honor.

MAN

She said she only went out with him out of pity.

GIRL

I was joking!

MAN

She said that he was disgusting--

GIRL

He was my best friend, your Honor.

MAN

And then he had his filthy black paws all over her while she screamed for him to stop. What else was I supposed to assume? So, yeah, I shot him. And I'm proud of it, your Honor.

GIRL

How can you just acquit him and let him go?

MAN

I think, under the circumstances, my actions are perfectly understandable. I appreciate the jury finding me not guilty.

GIRL

He killed my best friend, and he just walks?

MAN

I'm proud that I saw a woman getting raped and I that acted to protect her. If there was any misunderstanding about the circumstances, I'm sorry. But I gotta say, I always wanted to help people, to protect them. That's why I'm a security guard at the mall. To save people. So getting to save that little girl, and knowing the state understands my point of view, well... This is the best night of my life.

BLACKOUT

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