The
Birds Are Talking
By Jacob Juntunen
By Jacob Juntunen
Characters:
JANE: A woman.
ALISA: A woman.
Setting:
In a garden.
JANE: A woman.
ALISA: A woman.
Setting:
In a garden.
(JANE and ALISA are onstage.)
ALISA
What did he say?
What did he say?
JANE
What he always says.
What he always says.
ALISA
That you need to take these pills?
That you need to take these pills?
JANE
That I’m making irrational decisions.
That I’m making irrational decisions.
ALISA
He said hiding me here was an irrational decision? Did you tell him about all the bruises I showed up with? How I just need a place to get away from that asshole until I figure out a way to leave him—
He said hiding me here was an irrational decision? Did you tell him about all the bruises I showed up with? How I just need a place to get away from that asshole until I figure out a way to leave him—
JANE
I didn’t mention you. I was scared to, now that the police are involved.
I didn’t mention you. I was scared to, now that the police are involved.
ALISA
The police aren’t really involved—
The police aren’t really involved—
JANE
I lied to them, told them you weren’t here. That they needed to come back with a warrant.
I lied to them, told them you weren’t here. That they needed to come back with a warrant.
ALISA
What about patient/psychiatrist confidentiality—
What about patient/psychiatrist confidentiality—
JANE
I think shrinks have to contact the police if there’s a law broken.
ALISA
If you’re so scared of hiding me, then why are you—
If you’re so scared of hiding me, then why are you—
JANE
The birds told me to.
The birds told me to.
ALISA
Maybe if your shrink thinks you need medication, you should consider—
Maybe if your shrink thinks you need medication, you should consider—
JANE
Aren’t you scared if I think more rationally, I might kick you out?
Aren’t you scared if I think more rationally, I might kick you out?
ALISA
Yes.
Yes.
JANE
There are always two teacups set on my table, and one is for you. I don’t care how irrational it might be.
There are always two teacups set on my table, and one is for you. I don’t care how irrational it might be.
(Pause)
ALISA
What are we doing out here? It’s freezing.
What are we doing out here? It’s freezing.
JANE
I like the garden at night.
I like the garden at night.
ALISA
Do you think the birds will tell you whether to take your meds or not?
Do you think the birds will tell you whether to take your meds or not?
JANE
Don’t be silly. The birds don’t talk to me at night.
Don’t be silly. The birds don’t talk to me at night.
ALISA
Of course.
Of course.
JANE
Only in the mornings. And if I take those pills, maybe the birds won’t talk to me at all.
Only in the mornings. And if I take those pills, maybe the birds won’t talk to me at all.
ALISA
I think that would be the point.
I think that would be the point.
JANE
It’s just one more example of a man trying to take away the inspiration of a woman—
It’s just one more example of a man trying to take away the inspiration of a woman—
ALISA
I don’t think it’s like that at all—
I don’t think it’s like that at all—
JANE
Did you know Virginia Woolf heard birds talk to her?
Did you know Virginia Woolf heard birds talk to her?
ALISA
In Greek. She wanted them to stop.
In Greek. She wanted them to stop.
JANE
I think they gave her inspiration.
I think they gave her inspiration.
ALISA
She was desperate to make them stop. When her hallucinations started again, she filled her pockets with rocks, walked into a river, and killed herself. I don’t—
She was desperate to make them stop. When her hallucinations started again, she filled her pockets with rocks, walked into a river, and killed herself. I don’t—
JANE
I think she did that because World War Two was starting—
I think she did that because World War Two was starting—
ALISA
I don’t want your body fished from a river.
I don’t want your body fished from a river.
JANE
Anyway, I’m not hallucinating. I sit. I hear the birds. And I have insight.
Anyway, I’m not hallucinating. I sit. I hear the birds. And I have insight.
ALISA
Did you tell your therapist you’d take the pills?
Did you tell your therapist you’d take the pills?
JANE
He doesn’t understand me.
He doesn’t understand me.
ALISA
Why are the pills even in the house if you don’t want to take them?
Why are the pills even in the house if you don’t want to take them?
JANE
He said he’d call the pharmacy and make sure I picked them up.
He said he’d call the pharmacy and make sure I picked them up.
ALISA
What was going to happen if you didn’t?
What was going to happen if you didn’t?
JANE
He didn’t say.
He didn’t say.
ALISA
Did he say you’d need to spend more time in the hospital—
Did he say you’d need to spend more time in the hospital—
JANE
He didn’t say! Anyway, you should be happy for the birds. They’re the ones that said to call you.
He didn’t say! Anyway, you should be happy for the birds. They’re the ones that said to call you.
ALISA
The birds told you to invite me to stay here?
The birds told you to invite me to stay here?
JANE
And you haven’t left the house in three days—does that sound perfectly sane?
And you haven’t left the house in three days—does that sound perfectly sane?
ALISA
You know why I can’t leave— The birds didn’t tell you to call. You would have mentioned it. Three days is plenty of time to explain why you let me stay here—
You know why I can’t leave— The birds didn’t tell you to call. You would have mentioned it. Three days is plenty of time to explain why you let me stay here—
JANE
Well, I’m explaining now.
Well, I’m explaining now.
ALISA
You’re making it up so you don’t have to take the pills.
You’re making it up so you don’t have to take the pills.
JANE
They said to call you and invite you to stay. And you showed up with that pancake makeup under your eyes that wouldn’t fool anyone. It was clear what Andy did to you. That you needed a place to hide.
They said to call you and invite you to stay. And you showed up with that pancake makeup under your eyes that wouldn’t fool anyone. It was clear what Andy did to you. That you needed a place to hide.
ALISA
I’m not hiding.
I’m not hiding.
JANE
You’re not taking his calls, or leaving the house, or letting me tell anyone you’re here, which sounds like the definition of—
You’re not taking his calls, or leaving the house, or letting me tell anyone you’re here, which sounds like the definition of—
ALISA
Okay, I’m hiding. A little.
Okay, I’m hiding. A little.
JANE
And the birds told me your husband would show up—
And the birds told me your husband would show up—
ALISA
You don’t really need to be psychic to know he’d come looking for me at the one place where there’s always a teacup waiting for me on the table, my one friend who’s still single and has a place for me—
You don’t really need to be psychic to know he’d come looking for me at the one place where there’s always a teacup waiting for me on the table, my one friend who’s still single and has a place for me—
JANE
The birds told me that I would need to keep him out of the house somehow. So I told him the birds wouldn’t be happy if I let him in.
The birds told me that I would need to keep him out of the house somehow. So I told him the birds wouldn’t be happy if I let him in.
ALISA
Which is totally crazy.
Which is totally crazy.
JANE
But there’s method to my madness.
But there’s method to my madness.
ALISA
The birds don’t care if you let Andy inside—
The birds don’t care if you let Andy inside—
JANE
Of course not. I just made that up so Andy would think I was crazy and be too scared to try to force his way in. But the birds warned me so I had a plan.
Of course not. I just made that up so Andy would think I was crazy and be too scared to try to force his way in. But the birds warned me so I had a plan.
ALISA
And if you take these pills you’ll see that all this makes no sense—
And if you take these pills you’ll see that all this makes no sense—
JANE
Yesterday morning the birds reminded me it had been 48 hours, and the police would probably be searching for a missing person now, and that I had to be ready.
Yesterday morning the birds reminded me it had been 48 hours, and the police would probably be searching for a missing person now, and that I had to be ready.
ALISA
I’m sorry I got you involved in all this. It’s obviously snapped something—
I’m sorry I got you involved in all this. It’s obviously snapped something—
JANE
They didn’t have a warrant, so I could keep them out, but Andy told them about the birds and said he was worried I’d done something to you—
They didn’t have a warrant, so I could keep them out, but Andy told them about the birds and said he was worried I’d done something to you—
ALISA
Wait, what? You didn’t tell me that.
JANE
So I agreed to see my old shrink to keep them from trying to get a warrant. And I told my shrink the birds hate Andy, but didn’t tell him I was hiding you. He wanted to know if I was still taking my medication and I told him I stopped. That I don’t need it anymore. That I’m fine now.
So I agreed to see my old shrink to keep them from trying to get a warrant. And I told my shrink the birds hate Andy, but didn’t tell him I was hiding you. He wanted to know if I was still taking my medication and I told him I stopped. That I don’t need it anymore. That I’m fine now.
ALISA
I don’t think you’re fine.
I don’t think you’re fine.
JANE
I come out here every morning and meditate, and I’m fine. I sit right where you’re standing. I cross my legs, hold my hands together in prayer, close my eyes, and try to empty my mind. The thoughts come, and I imagine they’re little birds. I watch my thoughts scamper around, looking for seeds, a mess of useless energy, until they fly away. And I sit for a half hour, watching the birds in my mind, until there’s a moment of clarity. That’s when the birds tell me things. Like Alisa needs help: call her. Offer to let her stay. No strings attached. Do you think that’s a rational decision?
I come out here every morning and meditate, and I’m fine. I sit right where you’re standing. I cross my legs, hold my hands together in prayer, close my eyes, and try to empty my mind. The thoughts come, and I imagine they’re little birds. I watch my thoughts scamper around, looking for seeds, a mess of useless energy, until they fly away. And I sit for a half hour, watching the birds in my mind, until there’s a moment of clarity. That’s when the birds tell me things. Like Alisa needs help: call her. Offer to let her stay. No strings attached. Do you think that’s a rational decision?
ALISA
It could be.
It could be.
JANE
To hide you from your husband? From the police? When I risk getting sent back to the hospital? Or arrested? That’s what a therapist would call rational?
To hide you from your husband? From the police? When I risk getting sent back to the hospital? Or arrested? That’s what a therapist would call rational?
ALISA
I guess not.
I guess not.
JANE
So you want me to take these pills and act more rationally?
So you want me to take these pills and act more rationally?
ALISA
I want you to take these pills.
I want you to take these pills.
JANE
Why?
Why?
ALISA
Because you’re more stable on them. You didn’t need to tell Andy the birds didn’t want him in the house. It’s your house. You could have just told him to go home. Meditating in the morning isn’t enough for you. Not to keep the unrealistic thoughts away. What’s the harm in trying the pills again? Take them for a few weeks and see if they help. If they don’t help, then stop taking them. But if they do—
Because you’re more stable on them. You didn’t need to tell Andy the birds didn’t want him in the house. It’s your house. You could have just told him to go home. Meditating in the morning isn’t enough for you. Not to keep the unrealistic thoughts away. What’s the harm in trying the pills again? Take them for a few weeks and see if they help. If they don’t help, then stop taking them. But if they do—
JANE
What if taking the pills makes me turn you in?
What if taking the pills makes me turn you in?
ALISA
I don’t think you’re keeping me safe because you’re crazy. I think you’re keeping me safe because you’re good. And I don’t think pills will change that.
I don’t think you’re keeping me safe because you’re crazy. I think you’re keeping me safe because you’re good. And I don’t think pills will change that.
JANE
What if you’re wrong?
What if you’re wrong?
ALISA
I’m willing to take the risk to keep the rocks out of your pockets. You’d do the same for me. Anyway, I can’t hide during the entire divorce proceedings. I just needed a place to regroup and recover. You gave that to me. Now take these for me.
I’m willing to take the risk to keep the rocks out of your pockets. You’d do the same for me. Anyway, I can’t hide during the entire divorce proceedings. I just needed a place to regroup and recover. You gave that to me. Now take these for me.
(ALISA holds out the pills. JANE takes the bottle.)
JANE
They make me sleepy. If I take them now, we’ll only have a half hour or so before I need to go to bed.
They make me sleepy. If I take them now, we’ll only have a half hour or so before I need to go to bed.
ALISA
Just enough time for tea.
Just enough time for tea.
JANE
The cups are set inside. Tea for two.
The cups are set inside. Tea for two.
(JANE takes the pills. They walk inside.)
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