More Jelly Beans!
by Jacob Juntunen
(RONNIE has a couple bags of jelly beans.)
RONNIE
Hey, Kids! It’s Uncle Ronnie! Here, have some jelly beans. No, go ahead, pass them around. They’re my favorite. We’re here to have Presidents’ Field Day before I get shot! I was a lifeguard when I wasn’t much older than you, and when I was really old I sheltered the country in many a storm: when the spaceship blew up, I was your comforting grandparent. I fired all those pesky people that control the airplanes when they turned into communists. And I made another old man take down a wall. But someone still shoots me at the end of this play. It seems unfair. I’ve got about four minutes to live. Did everybody get jelly beans? Keep passing them around. Okay, time to play our games. Who wants to have a three-legged race!?
(General cries of, “Me, me, me!”)
RONNIE
Okay, you, you, you and you. (he picked 2 black kids and 2 white kids) Promise not to shoot me and you’ll get a jelly bean.
TAMICA (black), JENNIFER and ANNIE (both white)
We promise.
RONNIE
(giving beans) Good girls. What about you?
BEN (black)
I don’t know.
ANNIE
Uncle Ronnie! Uncle Ronnie! I had two Daddies! I won’t shoot you!
RONNIE
Two daddies? Well, that’s not actually possible, honey, but you’ve got a good imagination. You can have another jelly bean. (To BEN) Do you promise not to shoot me?
BEN
I don’t know.
RONNIE
Do you know that you don’t get presidents’ day off from school anymore because a communist man with skin like yours got shot? He was never president. All he did was have a dream. You kids have dreams, don’t you? Having dreams is easy, but being president is hard. We’ll see how long history admires the colored communist. On to the event! The three-legged race! It’s easy, two teams, and whoever gets to the other side of the room first gets a jelly bean.
ANNIE
(holding BEN’s hand) We want to be a team!
RONNIE
Now, honey, you two can’t be a team.
ANNIE
But he’s my best friend…
RONNIE
Okay, (putting Tamica and Ben together), you’re a team, and (putting Jennifer and Annie together), you’re a team. Now get lined up here. And before we start…
(RONNIE puts a shackle on the ankles of TAMICA and BEN)
BEN
Whoa, man, what are you doing?!
RONNIE
Shackling you. It’s a three-legged race.
BEN
What about them?
RONNIE
They’re going to keep their legs together voluntarily. Ready? On your marks, get set, go!
(The white team easily wins)
RONNIE (cont)
Very good! Here’s your jelly beans.
BEN
That’s not fair, man!
RONNIE
Don’t be so angry.
BEN
Why do I have to be shackled?!
RONNIE
If you keep up this yelling, you’ll be shackled for a long time.
BEN
My Dad says people like you can’t shackle us anymore.
RONNIE
You used to get a day off school because a president—a real president, with a tall hat—freed your grandparents. Or parents. Or something. I get confused sometimes. And I was president, too, so I’m part of what freed you—
ANNIE
My daddy used to teach history, and he said—
RONNIE
Which of your two Daddies? Right, Annie? Ha, ha. You sure have a good imagination.
ANNIE
The dead one. He taught history.
RONNIE
Oh, so you have a daddy and a step-daddy. I understand now—
ANNIE
No, I had two Daddies—
BEN
I want a rematch.
RONNIE
Okay! Another race.
BEN
Shackle them, too.
RONNIE
Oh, they don’t need it.
BEN
Let me call my Dad.
RONNIE
Will they let him come to the prison phone?
BEN
My Dad’s an engineer for IBM in Silicon Valley—
RONNIE
On a long business trip? Is that what your mommy told you?
BEN
No—
RONNIE
(to TAMICA)And, you, I suppose your mommy has eighty names, thirty addresses, twelve Social Security cards and is collecting veteran's benefits on four non-existing deceased husbands? We call that a welfare queen.
TAMICA
She sells for Mary Kay.
RONNIE
I’m sure that’s what she tells you.
BEN
I want to do the race again, with no shackles.
RONNIE
Okay, fine, no shackles. A level playing field. (removes shackles) On your marks, get set, go!
(RONNIE trips BEN and white girls win)
BEN
What’s the matter with you, man?!
ANNIE
Why did you trip him?
RONNIE
Don’t worry about it, honey, you won, so here’s another jelly bean.
ANNIE
I don’t want your jelly bean! He’s my best friend and you tripped him! And my Daddy who’s still alive said you killed my other daddy. He got all covered with black splotches and had to go to the hospital. He got skinnier and skinnier, sometimes he poohed the bed when we saw him, and he got white spots all over his tongue before he died. And my daddy who’s still alive said you didn’t care about the disease until your friend Rock got sick.
RONNIE
Now, that’s not true, I cared, I just thought it was like measles, that it would go away.
ANNIE
Well, it didn’t go away! And my Daddy died! And you trip my friends! I hate you! I hate you!
(ANNIE shoots him with her finger; )
RONNIE
Well, I told you this would happen. Enjoy the jelly beans!
(RONNIE dies. Blackout)
Read full lengths by Jacob Juntunen here!
No comments:
Post a Comment