photo by Joe Mazza and Brave Lux

Monday, February 23, 2015

The Persistence of Memory

The Persistence of Memory
By Jacob Juntunen

GEORGE: A man.
MARGIE: A woman (age of actor doesn't matter)
STELLA: A woman

Setting:
This can be done on an empty stage, ideally with no wheelchair or fake car, though theatrical solutions to their representation are great. At rise, MARGIE is getting ready to go. GEORGE enters.

                                                            GEORGE
Where are you going?

                                                            MARGIE
Bible study.

                                                            GEORGE
Do you have a ride?

                                                            MARGIE
Of course I don’t have a ride, who would I have a ride from?

                                                            GEORGE
Stay here and play bingo. We have a place at the table set up for your wheelchair.

                                                            MARGIE
Why would I play bingo with a bunch of drooling idiots?

                                                            GEORGE
It’s good for your memory.

                                                            MARGIE
I don’t need any help with my memory. I’m in a wheelchair, not an Alzheimer’s patient.

                                                            GEORGE
We all need a little help with our memory sometimes.

                                                            MARGIE
My children need help with their memories, maybe coming to visit me more than once a year.

                                                            GEORGE
We’ve got some good prizes for bingo tonight: twinkies, bath salts—

                                                            MARGIE
All you want to do here is feed us sweets: dessert with every meal, twinkies for bingo—

                                                            GEORGE
Play for the bath salts, then.

                                                            MARGIE
It’s too hard getting in and out of my chair to take baths anymore.

                                                            GEORGE
That’s what the attendants are for, just push the call button in your room and someone will come to help you—

                                                            MARGIE
Why would I want two people like you pawing me naked? I need to have some mental stimulation, and everyone here is too stuck in their dementia to talk, so I’m going to Bible study. Are you going to try and stop me?

                                                            GEORGE
It’s not a prison.

                                                            MARGIE
Could have fooled me.

                                                            GEORGE
I’ll get the sign out sheet for you. But it’s dark outside already. I know you push your wheelchair in the street and not on the sidewalks. It’s not safe.

                                                            MARGIE
The sidewalks don’t have wheelchair ramps, so I have to use the street. That’s why I have the reflecting vest on the back of my chair and the bicycle light. It flashes, see?

                                                            GEORGE
I know everyone will miss you if you don’t go to bingo.

                                                            MARGIE
Bingo, bingo, bingo! Dessert, dessert, dessert! That’s all anybody wants around here! I need something more interesting! If there was any theatre or opera or classical music in this horrible little town my kids stuck me in, I’d go to them, but there’s not, so at least I can learn something about the Bible. Give me the sign out sheet so I can sign myself out of this not-prison full of salivating people with half-melted faces.

                                                            GEORGE
Fine. Be careful.

(MARGIE signs herself out, goes outside, and begins her long journey to the Church. She struggles. It is difficult for her to wheel the chair herself. She struggles for a bit. This can go on for some time. Then STELLA enters.)

                                                            STELLA
You lost, ma’am?

                                                            MARGIE
Of course I’m not lost. Just having trouble getting my wheelchair up this hill. I’m not as strong as I used to be. Why don’t you give me a ride?

                                                            STELLA
Police officers aren’t taxis, ma’am.

                                                            MARGIE
Aren’t you supposed to serve and protect?

                                                            STELLA
Yes, ma’am.

                                                            MARGIE
So serve me with a ride.

                                                            STELLA
Do you know who I am, ma’am?

                                                            MARGIE
You’re a police officer, I just said that.

                                                            STELLA
I’m Stella. We know each other, Margie.

                                                            MARGIE
I can barely see you in your car. Besides, you all look the same in your uniforms.

                                                            STELLA
Why don’t you let me help you into the car and I’ll give you a ride back to the home.

                                                            MARGIE
You just said you can’t give me a ride.

                                                            STELLA
I can’t give you a ride to the Catholic Church.

                                                            MARGIE
Why not?

                                                            STELLA
Your chair will fit in my trunk, come on—

                                                            MARGIE
No! You can’t force me! I haven’t broken any law! Stay away from me!

                                                            STELLA
Okay.

(MARGIE continues pushing herself along. STELLA stays near her.)

                                                            MARGIE
Are you just going to drive alongside me up this whole hill?

                                                            STELLA
I’m going to stay with you until I think you’re safe, ma’am.

                                                            MARGIE
Did the home send you?

                                                            STELLA
Don’t they have Bible study at the home?

                                                            MARGIE
Hah! Horrible Father Joe comes once a week for a Catholic Mass—

                                                            STELLA
So maybe I could take you home and—

                                                            MARGIE
But he does Mass as fast as possible. He barely pauses to let us give the responses, like he thinks we’ve forgotten, and he doesn’t teach me anything about the Bible, not like the Bible study we’ve got going at St. Francis. You’d like it.

                                                            STELLA
I’m sure I would.

                                                            MARGIE
Father Brown runs it, and all sorts of people come. Jonathan Goldberg comes—he’s Jewish—and he gives all kinds of insight into the Old Testament because he reads Hebrew. We even have one of those women with the headscarfs.

                                                            STELLA
Erum.

                                                            MARGIE
Right! How do you know her?

                                                            STELLA
I used to go to the Bible study.

                                                            MARGIE
That’s right! I remember you! You were younger.

                                                            STELLA
Thanks.

                                                            MARGIE
Don’t take it so hard. We were all younger. “Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!”

                                                            STELLA
Is that the Bible?

                                                            MARGIE
Shelley. They don’t even have any good poetry in the home’s library. Fifty Shades of Gray and other soft porn. They can’t even commit real sins there.

                                                            STELLA
Well, here we are.

                                                            MARGIE
Thank you for the escort, but I’m good now. There’s a handicapped ramp.

                                                            STELLA
Look at the windows, Margie.

                                                            MARGIE
They look fine, I mean, they’re not the most beautiful stained glass I’ve ever seen—

                                                            STELLA
It’s dark. Completely dark.

                                                            MARGIE
Why are there no cars? Where is everybody?

                                                            STELLA
Father Brown died ten years ago. Don’t worry. You do this every now and then. I’ll give you a ride back. Bingo’s probably still going on. You should play. It’s good for your memory.


(Blackout.)

Friday, January 30, 2015

I Woke Up at Quarter to Eight

I Woke Up at Quarter to Eight
by Jacob Juntunen

Characters:
JOHN: A man
CAROLYN: A woman
JENNIFER: A woman

Setting:
This can be done on an empty stage, ideally with no props and no miming of phones.

                                                            JOHN
Damn it. Damn it. Damn it. Come on! This stupid piece of shit!

                                                            CAROLYN
Hello?

                                                            JOHN
Carolyn, it’s John, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hang up on you, I just got this stupid smart phone, and I can’t figure out how it works—

                                                            CAROLYN
John?

                                                            JOHN
Yeah, I hit some button with my chin or—

                                                            CAROLYN
John! “I woke up at quarter to eight”—

                                                            JOHN
—‘cause I just got this smartphone but I—

                                                            CAROLYN
No, you say, “Bossman say don’t be late”—

                                                            JOHN
We’re retired now, we don’t have a boss anymore—

                                                            CAROLYN
We’re retired?

                                                            JOHN
We were talking about your hospice care—

                                                            CAROLYN
You used to call and say you were stuck in traffic—

                                                            JOHN
Are they taking good care of you?

                                                            CAROLYN
And I’d say, “I woke up at quarter to eight” and you’d say, “Bossman say don’t be late,” like we were in the military, like our boss was a drill Sargent or something.

                                                            JOHN
I don’t know how we put up with that asshole for twenty years—

                                                            CAROLYN
But you were always late.

                                                            JOHN
Traffic was bad.

                                                            CAROLYN
Every day? I always had to do the early morning reports by myself to cover for you.

                                                            JOHN
We were talking about your hospice care.

                                                            CAROLYN
Oh, man. These guys are awesome. I am so high.

                                                            JOHN
Right, that’s what you were—

                                                            CAROLYN
Like, morphine is awesome. Way better than anything we did in the eighties.

                                                            JOHN
But the hospice people are taking good care of—?

                                                            CAROLYN
But we had a good time when—

                                                            JENNIFER
Beep

                                                            CAROLYN
—didn’t we?

                                                            JOHN
Wait, say that again, there was—

                                                            CAROLYN
Say what again?

                                                            JOHN
Whatever you were—

                                                            JENNIFER
Beep

                                                            CAROLYN
—but we did, right?

                                                            JOHN
Sorry, I didn’t hear you. It’s beeping.

                                                            CAROLYN
I’m beeping?

                                                            JOHN
No, this stupid phone—

                                                            JENNIFER
Beep.

                                                            JOHN
Wait, hold on— It’s call waiting?

                                                            JENNIFER
Hey, Dad!

                                                            JOHN
No, Jennifer, no, not now—

                                                            JENNIFER
What’s wrong—?

                                                            JOHN
I don’t have time to explain, I’ve got Carolyn on the other—

                                                            JENNIFER
How is she?

                                                            JOHN
Not good, I need to—

                                                            JENNIFER
Okay, but I need to talk to you.

                                                            JOHN
Not now.

                                                            JENNIFER
I think you’ll want to hear this.

                                                            JOHN
Okay, I’ll call you back. Carolyn? Carolyn? Are you there? Carolyn?

(Silence)

                                                            JOHN (cont.)
Shit! Stupid phone! Where did… Address book… Okay… Hey, Carolyn!

                                                            CAROLYN
John?

                                                            JOHN
Yeah, sorry, didn’t mean to hang up on you, it was Jennifer, probably wants to borrow money—

                                                            CAROLYN
John! “I woke up at quarter to eight”—

                                                            JOHN
I was just saying I didn’t mean to hang up on you—

                                                            CAROLYN
No, you say, “Bossman say don’t be late”—

                                                            JOHN
It was the call waiting, Jennifer—

                                                            CAROLYN
Hey, how is Jennifer? Did she make varsity?

                                                            JOHN
Um, she’s thirty years old, still living with that bum.

                                                            CAROLYN
She’s not playing volleyball anymore?

                                                            JOHN
She’s thirty. Years old. Living with some car salesman, going month to month on his commission, always needing—

                                                            JENNIFER
Beep.

                                                            JOHN
No, no, no—

                                                            CAROLYN
Did I tell you they got me on morphine? This shit is awesome. We should have been buying—

                                                            JENNIFER
Beep

                                                            CAROLYN
—instead of cocaine.

                                                            JOHN
Well, it was the eighties. How are you feeling?

                                                            CAROLYN
I feel—

                                                            JENNIFER
Beep

                                                            JOHN
Goddamnit.

                                                            CAROLYN
No, don’t be mad, I’m not in pain, the hospice people—

                                                            JOHN
I’m not mad, I just didn’t hear what you said—

                                                            JENNIFER
Beep.

                                                            JOHN
Hold on. Jennifer?

                                                            JENNIFER
I think we got cut off.

                                                            JOHN
I hung up. I’m trying to talk to Carolyn. She’s dying of stomach cancer.

                                                            JENNIFER
Yeah, but I wanted you to be the first person I called.

                                                            JOHN
Fine, I can be the first person you ask, but in a little bit, okay?

                                                            JENNIFER
But Dad—

                                                            JOHN
Do you know about stomach cancer? That kind of pain is— She’s so doped up on morphine I don’t know if she—

                                                            JENNIFER
Dad, listen—

                                                            JOHN
She’s a year younger than me. I mean, she drank a ton, and smoked, and, you know, did other stuff, but she’s a year younger than me and is stuck in some hospice—

                                                            JENNIFER
I have news.

                                                            JOHN
Great. I’m going to call you back, okay?

                                                            JENNIFER
No, I want you to be the first person I tell—

                                                            JOHN
Okay, I’ll call you back. Carolyn?

                                                            CAROLYN
Hey! John! “I woke up at quarter to eight”—

                                                            JOHN
I’m not late for work.

                                                            CAROLYN
I’m here waiting for you. You don’t want me to have to do all this without you, do you?

                                                            JOHN
You’re not at work, you’re— Do you know who this is—?

                                                            CAROLYN
This is John, right?

                                                            JOHN
Yeah. Listen. I never told you how much you... You were there for me during Marie’s breast cancer, and you came to her funeral with me and let Jennifer lean on you. Literally. You were the only person in the whole office I could really talk to after that. That whole year of mourning. You didn’t take it personally when I made that desperate pass at you; you knew what it was; you stayed my friend. I couldn’t have worked there for twenty years without you, and I never would have made it through my forties without you.

                                                            CAROLYN
The forties? Don’t you mean the eighties?

                                                            JOHN
I wish I could come out and see you. Your kids are taking care of you okay?

                                                            CAROLYN
The hospice people are great. Did I tell you they’ve got me—

                                                            JENNIFER
Beep

                                                            CAROLYN
—morphine?

                                                            JOHN
Fuck! Hold on.

                                                            CAROLYN
You need to try to calm down. See if you can find some morph—

                                                            JOHN
Jennifer, whatever you need, you’ve got it.

                                                            JENNIFER
I just want to tell you—

                                                            JOHN
You need to borrow money? I’ll send you the check in the morning—

                                                            JENNIFER
Dad, I just wanted you to be the first to know—

                                                            JOHN
I will call you back, but right now I’m trying to have a last conversation with—

                                                            JENNIFER
I would have called Mom if she were alive—

                                                            JOHN
Carolyn is dying—

                                                            JENNIFER
Dad, I’m pregnant.

(Silence)

                                                            JENNIFER (cont.)
Dad?

                                                            JOHN
That’s wonderful. That’s amazing. That’s… Wow. You’re pregnant, and Carolyn’s…

                                                            JENNIFER
So go finish your conversation with Carolyn. I just thought you’d want to know.

                                                            JOHN
Yeah. Yeah. That’s such amazing news. I… I’m in shock. Look, I want to talk, but Carolyn—

                                                            JENNIFER
I get it. I just wanted you to know. Call me when you’re done talking to Carolyn.

                                                            JOHN
I will. I will. This is amazing. This is so great. I will call you back, okay?

                                                            JENNIFER
Okay.

                                                            JOHN
Carolyn?

                                                            CAROLYN
Hey! “I woke up at quarter to eight”—

                                                            JOHN
“Bossman said don’t be late.”

                                                            CAROLYN
I can’t keep making excuses for you. You’ve got to do this with me.

                                                            JOHN
I will. I’ll be right there with you. In a little bit. I just gotta meet someone first.


(Blackout)