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Thursday, August 23, 2012
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Working on In the Shadow of his Language
Today's short play was an attempt at rewriting a scene from my full-length In the Shadow of his Language. As such, and because it's still very rough, I don't want to post it here. But have no fear, a play was written today! For those of you keeping score...
Monday, August 13, 2012
Samuel Makes Friends
Samuel
Makes Friends
By Jacob Juntunen
By Jacob Juntunen
(SAMUEL sits at a computer, not typing. MEL, a young
woman, enters.)
MEL
So write your play.
So write your play.
SAMUEL
I don’t think I’m ready.
I don’t think I’m ready.
MEL
It’s almost midnight.
It’s almost midnight.
SAMUEL
I know, Mel, but I haven’t figured out any interesting twists, or—
I know, Mel, but I haven’t figured out any interesting twists, or—
MEL
You’ve been thinking about it for years now—
You’ve been thinking about it for years now—
SAMUEL
I know, but this scene, I mean, this whole relationship eludes me, and you’re no help—
I know, but this scene, I mean, this whole relationship eludes me, and you’re no help—
MEL
This is my fault now?
This is my fault now?
SAMUEL
Well, yeah, I’d say you share some of the blame—
Well, yeah, I’d say you share some of the blame—
MEL
Who’s the playwright here?
Who’s the playwright here?
SAMUEL
And I’ve got to write something by midnight, and at this rate it’s going to be one of those crappy plays about not being able to write a play—
And I’ve got to write something by midnight, and at this rate it’s going to be one of those crappy plays about not being able to write a play—
MEL
So writing the actual scene you want to write will be worse than that?
So writing the actual scene you want to write will be worse than that?
SAMUEL
I at least have a little twist for my “why can’t I write” play.
I at least have a little twist for my “why can’t I write” play.
MEL
Involving me? Is that why you’re calling me Mel?
Involving me? Is that why you’re calling me Mel?
SAMUEL
Yeah.
Yeah.
MEL
Pathetic. You really mean to tell me you don’t have enough
inspiration to write about Didi? It’s even her birthday, you know.
SAMUEL
She’s a character.
She’s a character.
MEL
Well you gave her today as her birthday, so—
Well you gave her today as her birthday, so—
SAMUEL
I’ll do it tomorrow.
I’ll do it tomorrow.
MEL
After your seven hour faculty meeting?
After your seven hour faculty meeting?
SAMUEL
Wednesday, then?
Wednesday, then?
MEL
You’re going to have to pound something out about Didi soon, submission deadlines are coming up—
You’re going to have to pound something out about Didi soon, submission deadlines are coming up—
SAMUEL
I can always submit next year.
I can always submit next year.
MEL
Yup. You can always just write it next year, too. Just sit here, blame me, don’t write—
Yup. You can always just write it next year, too. Just sit here, blame me, don’t write—
SAMUEL
Just get off my back!
Just get off my back!
MEL
You want me to go?
You want me to go?
SAMUEL
I didn’t say that.
I didn’t say that.
MEL
Cause I can go. If you don’t need your little “Mel.”
Cause I can go. If you don’t need your little “Mel.”
SAMUEL
How am I going to write a tragedy without Melomene?
MEL
You won’t.
You won’t.
SAMUEL
So help?
So help?
MEL
On some self-indulgent shitty why can’t I write, oh, boo hoo, play?
On some self-indulgent shitty why can’t I write, oh, boo hoo, play?
SAMUEL
Sing, oh Muse, about the tragedy of Didi O’Connor—
Sing, oh Muse, about the tragedy of Didi O’Connor—
MEL
I am, but you’re too scared to listen. Call me when you’re actually ready.
I am, but you’re too scared to listen. Call me when you’re actually ready.
(MEL leaves.)
SAMUEL
Sorry, Didi. But happy birthday anyway.
Sorry, Didi. But happy birthday anyway.
Jacob is head of
playwriting at Southern Illinois University, Carbondale.
Read his full lengths here.
Read his full lengths here.
Sunday, August 12, 2012
My Portlandía
My
Portlandía
By Jacob Juntunen
By Jacob Juntunen
(PORTLANDÍA sits, covered in bandaids. WILL addresses
the audience.)
WILL
I had just finished my morning commute to the studio lot, when I saw a familiar face in a Jaguar next to my Lexus. It was Jacob, a writer I knew from Portland in my post-college years. We exclaimed and clasped hands. He was in LA writing for a new HBO drama which I’d been hired to direct a few episodes for. We left the studio and got to talking about the past. We both remembered my roommate Portlandía, but it seems Jacob had written a book about her… He asked my favorite memory to add to his collection, and I had to relate to him the time I came home to find her covered in bandaids…
I had just finished my morning commute to the studio lot, when I saw a familiar face in a Jaguar next to my Lexus. It was Jacob, a writer I knew from Portland in my post-college years. We exclaimed and clasped hands. He was in LA writing for a new HBO drama which I’d been hired to direct a few episodes for. We left the studio and got to talking about the past. We both remembered my roommate Portlandía, but it seems Jacob had written a book about her… He asked my favorite memory to add to his collection, and I had to relate to him the time I came home to find her covered in bandaids…
PORTLANDÍA
Ow! So mean, so mean.
Ow! So mean, so mean.
(PORTLANDÍA applies another bandaid. WILL enters the
scene.)
WILL
Hey, Portlandía, I was gonna make some gallo pinto tonight, do you want—
Hey, Portlandía, I was gonna make some gallo pinto tonight, do you want—
PORTLANDÍA
Did you try that vegan honey I bought?
Did you try that vegan honey I bought?
WILL
The corn syrup in the fridge?
The corn syrup in the fridge?
PORTLANDÍA
The guy told me it was vegan honey, no bees were harmed in its making. I just can’t stand the thought of those poor little bees harnessed and enslaved, forced to make honey—
The guy told me it was vegan honey, no bees were harmed in its making. I just can’t stand the thought of those poor little bees harnessed and enslaved, forced to make honey—
WILL
I think it’s just what bees do— OW!
I think it’s just what bees do— OW!
(WILL slaps his arm.)
PORTLANDÍA
Oh, hey, don’t kill them.
Oh, hey, don’t kill them.
WILL
Kill what? Ow!
Kill what? Ow!
(WILL slaps his arm.)
PORTLANDÍA
Our little houseguests.
Our little houseguests.
WILL
Who? Ow!
Who? Ow!
(WILL slaps his arm.)
PORTLANDÍA
I think they’re living in my hair. I haven’t been able to wash it in weeks now. Ow! Hey, now, that’s not cool, little guy.
I think they’re living in my hair. I haven’t been able to wash it in weeks now. Ow! Hey, now, that’s not cool, little guy.
(PORTLANDÍA puts on another bandaid.)
WILL
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
PORTLANDÍA
I won’t want the bites to get infected.
I won’t want the bites to get infected.
WILL
Is that a flea?
Is that a flea?
PORTLANDÍA
Probably. They’re everywhere.
Probably. They’re everywhere.
WILL
Ow!
Ow!
(WILL slaps his arm.)
PORTLANDÍA
Oh, hey, that’s not cool. They’re living things, too.
Oh, hey, that’s not cool. They’re living things, too.
WILL
They’re in your hair?
They’re in your hair?
PORTLANDÍA
I don’t know. I started finding them on the pillow a few weeks ago, so I haven’t washed it since, just in case.
I don’t know. I started finding them on the pillow a few weeks ago, so I haven’t washed it since, just in case.
WILL
Okay, I’m going to go to Fred Meyer to get a bug bomb, and you go wash your hair—
Okay, I’m going to go to Fred Meyer to get a bug bomb, and you go wash your hair—
PORTLANDÍA
I will not be party to genocide!
I will not be party to genocide!
WILL
They’re biting us.
They’re biting us.
PORTLANDÍA
I’m a pacifist, man. I have to, you know, use nonviolent means on them. I’ve been negotiating with them, seeing if we can come to some sort of agreement, but so far—
I’m a pacifist, man. I have to, you know, use nonviolent means on them. I’ve been negotiating with them, seeing if we can come to some sort of agreement, but so far—
WILL
Oh, hey, there’s a sale on hemp soap at Trader Joe’s—
Oh, hey, there’s a sale on hemp soap at Trader Joe’s—
PORTLANDÍA
Really?! That place never has sales.
Really?! That place never has sales.
WILL
Yeah, I know, so why don’t you go grab some, and I’ll start the gallo pinto—
Yeah, I know, so why don’t you go grab some, and I’ll start the gallo pinto—
PORTLANDÍA
Cool. You’re the best, Will.
Cool. You’re the best, Will.
(PORTLANDÍA exits; WILL speaks to the audience)
WILL
So she left, I went to Fred Meyer, returned with a bug bomb, and had a flea holocaust. Jacob and I had a laugh over that story, where my life was compared unfavorably to a flea’s, and I noticed a tear in his eye. He got up, paid the bill, told me to let HBO know that he quit, and he got back in his Jaguar and drove it to Portland that very day. Last I heard from him, he traded the Jaguar for a Prius, found Portlandía, and they founded a commune where he taught theatre history to chickens before they were slaughtered. Ah, my Portlandía.
So she left, I went to Fred Meyer, returned with a bug bomb, and had a flea holocaust. Jacob and I had a laugh over that story, where my life was compared unfavorably to a flea’s, and I noticed a tear in his eye. He got up, paid the bill, told me to let HBO know that he quit, and he got back in his Jaguar and drove it to Portland that very day. Last I heard from him, he traded the Jaguar for a Prius, found Portlandía, and they founded a commune where he taught theatre history to chickens before they were slaughtered. Ah, my Portlandía.
Jacob is head of
playwriting at Southern Illinois University, Carbondale.
Read his full lengths here.
Read his full lengths here.
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Ghosts
Ghosts
By Jacob Juntunen
By Jacob Juntunen
(WOMAN is supine on the floor. MAN kneels over her,
cradling her head)
WOMAN
Don’t forget me…
Don’t forget me…
MAN
Don’t go! Don’t leave me!
Don’t go! Don’t leave me!
WOMAN
I’m sorry…
I’m sorry…
(WOMAN dies)
MAN
Noooooooooooooo!
Noooooooooooooo!
(MAN sobs. After a moment, WOMAN, looking somewhat
surprised, sits up.)
WOMAN
It’s okay.
It’s okay.
MAN
You’re alive!
You’re alive!
WOMAN
No, I’m dead, but now you have super powers and can see ghosts.
No, I’m dead, but now you have super powers and can see ghosts.
MAN
Okay, this isn’t funny, I’m calling an ambulance.
Okay, this isn’t funny, I’m calling an ambulance.
WOMAN
Nope. I’m dead. Seventeen bullets don’t lie.
Nope. I’m dead. Seventeen bullets don’t lie.
MAN
That was sort of overkill for a mugging, don’t you think?
That was sort of overkill for a mugging, don’t you think?
WOMAN
Hey, they did the job.
Hey, they did the job.
(WOMAN stands, brushing herself off)
MAN
If you’re a ghost, how come I can’t see your body? And you’re not, you know, floating around and transluscent?
If you’re a ghost, how come I can’t see your body? And you’re not, you know, floating around and transluscent?
WOMAN
You’re focused on the spiritual plain now; my body’s still lying there. You just don’t see it anymore.
You’re focused on the spiritual plain now; my body’s still lying there. You just don’t see it anymore.
MAN
So, what, Patrick Swayze’s going to come serenade me with Henry the Eighth all night now?
So, what, Patrick Swayze’s going to come serenade me with Henry the Eighth all night now?
WOMAN
I think it’s more of a “you have to save the world from demons” sort of super power.
I think it’s more of a “you have to save the world from demons” sort of super power.
MAN
So Joss Whedon’s in one of these bushes filming all this?
So Joss Whedon’s in one of these bushes filming all this?
WOMAN
More like Seth MacFarlane with all the pop culture references.
More like Seth MacFarlane with all the pop culture references.
MAN
Listen, I don’t care about my super powers, or what director’s style is most like my circumstance, all I want is you to stay with me.
Listen, I don’t care about my super powers, or what director’s style is most like my circumstance, all I want is you to stay with me.
WOMAN
Can’t. Sorry. They’re waiting for me.
Can’t. Sorry. They’re waiting for me.
MAN
Who is?
Who is?
WOMAN
Everyone else in heaven.
Everyone else in heaven.
MAN
But how can I go on without you?
But how can I go on without you?
WOMAN
You’ll be okay. You’ll save the world some, and, when you die, I’ll come get you.
You’ll be okay. You’ll save the world some, and, when you die, I’ll come get you.
MAN
Like Last of the Mohicans reversed?
Like Last of the Mohicans reversed?
WOMAN
(imitating Daniel Day-Lewis) Stay dead! I will find you!
(imitating Daniel Day-Lewis) Stay dead! I will find you!
MAN
You promise?
You promise?
WOMAN
You can count on me, like a structural rule on Law and Order.
You can count on me, like a structural rule on Law and Order.
(They embrace. Blackout.)
Jacob is head of
playwriting at Southern Illinois University, Carbondale.
Read his full lengths here.
Read his full lengths here.
Friday, August 10, 2012
Jako!
JAKO!
By Jacob Juntunen
By Jacob Juntunen
(WOMAN is reading. JAKO enters)
JAKO
Hello!
Hello!
WOMAN
Oh, no, Jako. Not tonight. I have a headache.
Oh, no, Jako. Not tonight. I have a headache.
JAKO
I make you forget headache!
I make you forget headache!
WOMAN
I don’t want to forget my headache.
I don’t want to forget my headache.
JAKO
Is good to forget headache!
Is good to forget headache!
WOMAN
Please, Jako, just leave me alone.
Please, Jako, just leave me alone.
JAKO
Is my birthday soon!
Is my birthday soon!
WOMAN
Yes, true—
Yes, true—
JAKO
I get cake!
I get cake!
WOMAN
Cake isn’t good for my stomach—
Cake isn’t good for my stomach—
JAKO
Chocolate!
Chocolate!
WOMAN
Too rich—
Too rich—
JAKO
Is my birthday! One year ago, your daughter lose job, get divorce, and I come visit! Make cake!
Is my birthday! One year ago, your daughter lose job, get divorce, and I come visit! Make cake!
WOMAN
Cake isn’t on my diet. Doctor’s orders.
Cake isn’t on my diet. Doctor’s orders.
JAKO
Is early birthday party!
Is early birthday party!
WOMAN
Okay, you know what? I’m just going to have some milk—
Okay, you know what? I’m just going to have some milk—
JAKO
NO!
NO!
WOMAN
Yes, a nice glass of milk—
Yes, a nice glass of milk—
JAKO
Is too much base! Need acid!
Is too much base! Need acid!
WOMAN
And maybe a pepcid. I think I have one in my purse—
And maybe a pepcid. I think I have one in my purse—
JAKO
No medicine! No medicine!
No medicine! No medicine!
WOMAN
I don’t want you to turn into a bleeding mass on my stomach lining, so, go away Jako.
I don’t want you to turn into a bleeding mass on my stomach lining, so, go away Jako.
JAKO
I wait for you! When you eat spicy food! When you worry about your family! When you can’t sleep!
I wait for you! When you eat spicy food! When you worry about your family! When you can’t sleep!
WOMAN
Goodnight, Jako.
Goodnight, Jako.
((WOMAN takes pill. JAKO exits)
Jacob is head of
playwriting at Southern Illinois University, Carbondale.
Read his full lengths here.
Read his full lengths here.
Thursday, August 9, 2012
First Responders
First
Responders
By Jacob Juntunen
By Jacob Juntunen
(MAN and NURSE are facing one another.)
MAN
But you don’t understand, he’s my partner.
But you don’t understand, he’s my partner.
NURSE
He’s getting prepped for surgery. It doesn’t matter who you are, you can’t see him.
He’s getting prepped for surgery. It doesn’t matter who you are, you can’t see him.
MAN
We were some of the first responders when the towers fell, digging through that rubble together—
We were some of the first responders when the towers fell, digging through that rubble together—
NURSE
Making it ten years after that is pretty good.
Making it ten years after that is pretty good.
MAN
After all the shit we breathed? I’m the only one I know from our group that doesn’t have something wrong with me.
After all the shit we breathed? I’m the only one I know from our group that doesn’t have something wrong with me.
NURSE
We’re going to do our best for him, but he’s not young anymore, and there’s fluid in his lungs—
We’re going to do our best for him, but he’s not young anymore, and there’s fluid in his lungs—
MAN
So you’ve got to let me see him. What if he never wakes up?
So you’ve got to let me see him. What if he never wakes up?
NURSE
He’s already had the drugs; he’s barely conscious—
He’s already had the drugs; he’s barely conscious—
MAN
But he’s awake?
But he’s awake?
NURSE
Barely, I don’t know if he’d even recognize you.
Barely, I don’t know if he’d even recognize you.
MAN
After all these years together?
After all these years together?
NURSE
I’m sorry.
I’m sorry.
MAN
What if I wear scrubs or whatever?
What if I wear scrubs or whatever?
NURSE
We don’t have any extra—
We don’t have any extra—
MAN
You’ve got to have those surgery masks or whatever. I can wash up, do whatever doctors do before surgery—
You’ve got to have those surgery masks or whatever. I can wash up, do whatever doctors do before surgery—
NURSE
He’s not in surgery yet—
He’s not in surgery yet—
MAN
Then why can’t I see him?
Then why can’t I see him?
NURSE
He’s being prepped, they’re shaving his chest, they’ve already got him on a sedative, and the anesthesiologist—
He’s being prepped, they’re shaving his chest, they’ve already got him on a sedative, and the anesthesiologist—
MAN
What if you came back with me?
What if you came back with me?
NURSE
Someone’s got to be at the front desk.
Someone’s got to be at the front desk.
MAN
Call someone else! I’m sorry. I don’t mean to yell, it’s just—
Call someone else! I’m sorry. I don’t mean to yell, it’s just—
NURSE
I understand.
I understand.
MAN
—we’ve been together for over a decade. Come back with me, I’ll do whatever you say. If you say we’ve got to leave, I’ll leave, but I’ve got to see him, tell him everything will be okay, pet him one last time. When we were going through the rubble, we thought his nose would find all kids of wounded, but there weren’t any survivors. We just kept finding bits of people. But people would see him, fall to their knees—tough guys, too, you know? Guys I’ve known since we were in the academy together—and they’d just cry into his fur. He was our four-legged shrink, getting us through those days. I can’t let him go without saying goodbye.
—we’ve been together for over a decade. Come back with me, I’ll do whatever you say. If you say we’ve got to leave, I’ll leave, but I’ve got to see him, tell him everything will be okay, pet him one last time. When we were going through the rubble, we thought his nose would find all kids of wounded, but there weren’t any survivors. We just kept finding bits of people. But people would see him, fall to their knees—tough guys, too, you know? Guys I’ve known since we were in the academy together—and they’d just cry into his fur. He was our four-legged shrink, getting us through those days. I can’t let him go without saying goodbye.
NURSE
(picking up phone) Hey, Marie? Can you come up and watch the front desk for a few minutes?
(picking up phone) Hey, Marie? Can you come up and watch the front desk for a few minutes?
Jacob is head of
playwriting at Southern Illinois University, Carbondale.
Read his full lengths here.
Read his full lengths here.
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Goodnight
Goodnight
By Jacob Juntunen
By Jacob Juntunen
(MAN and WOMAN sit up in bed.)
MAN
After twelve years of marriage, have you woken up a single time without me?
After twelve years of marriage, have you woken up a single time without me?
WOMAN
Yes.
Yes.
MAN
Okay, trips for interviews or whatever. But not many.
Okay, trips for interviews or whatever. But not many.
WOMAN
Not many.
Not many.
MAN
So it’s just like that. You take the pill, fall asleep, and we wake up together.
So it’s just like that. You take the pill, fall asleep, and we wake up together.
WOMAN
What if we wake up whole different people?
What if we wake up whole different people?
MAN
Medication is not going to make you another person.
Medication is not going to make you another person.
WOMAN
This disease has taken me over; my mind works differently—
This disease has taken me over; my mind works differently—
MAN
Otherwise you’d listen to me and take your medication.
Otherwise you’d listen to me and take your medication.
WOMAN
You think it’s just eating away at your breast, but it gets into your bloodstream, and bones, and brain—
You think it’s just eating away at your breast, but it gets into your bloodstream, and bones, and brain—
MAN
And we have these pills that will take care of it.
And we have these pills that will take care of it.
WOMAN
And you’ll be with me when I wake up?
And you’ll be with me when I wake up?
MAN
I promise.
I promise.
WOMAN
How many am I supposed to take?
How many am I supposed to take?
(MAN holds out a handful of pills.)
WOMAN
That many?
That many?
MAN
If it’s going to work.
If it’s going to work.
(WOMAN takes the pills.)
WOMAN
How long?
How long?
MAN
Just until you fall asleep. Then we’ll wake up together and be fine. You’ll see.
Just until you fall asleep. Then we’ll wake up together and be fine. You’ll see.
(WOMAN settles into the bed.)
WOMAN
See you soon.
See you soon.
MAN
Goodnight.
Goodnight.
(They kiss. WOMAN closes her eyes. MAN watches.
WOMAN’s breath catches. MAN feels for a pulse, finds none. He holds his cheek
against her mouth, finds no breath. He kisses her again.)
MAN
See you soon.
See you soon.
(MAN takes a handful of pills. He settles next to the
woman. Blackout.)
Jacob is head of
playwriting at Southern Illinois University, Carbondale.
Read his full lengths here.
Read his full lengths here.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Send in the Dog
Send
in the Dog
By Jacob Juntunen
By Jacob Juntunen
(JACK sits typing on a laptop, desk covered in papers
which he is collating into piles. JILL enters.)
JILL
Can you believe this weather? In November?
Can you believe this weather? In November?
JACK
Nicest day of the year and I can’t get this stuff into any kind of order. There’s something about a deadline that makes good work impossible.
Nicest day of the year and I can’t get this stuff into any kind of order. There’s something about a deadline that makes good work impossible.
JILL
(holding up a leash) Well, you know who sent me in here.
(holding up a leash) Well, you know who sent me in here.
JACK
The dog did not send you in here.
The dog did not send you in here.
JILL
He suggested we do that loop around Seth Falls.
He suggested we do that loop around Seth Falls.
JACK
If I can’t get my tenure portfolio into some sort of shape, I’m going to be out of a job.
If I can’t get my tenure portfolio into some sort of shape, I’m going to be out of a job.
JILL
You’ll get it.
You’ll get it.
JACK
After the publisher pushed back the publication date on my book? I’m hanging by a thread and if I fuck up this portfolio, that’s it. I’ll have to go back on the job market, and even if I find another job, we’ll have to move again. If we have to pay for that, so much for Jimmy’s private school.
After the publisher pushed back the publication date on my book? I’m hanging by a thread and if I fuck up this portfolio, that’s it. I’ll have to go back on the job market, and even if I find another job, we’ll have to move again. If we have to pay for that, so much for Jimmy’s private school.
JILL
But I made us a picnic. You have to eat. We can just go out to Harvest Point and—
But I made us a picnic. You have to eat. We can just go out to Harvest Point and—
JACK
Getting out to Harvest Point will take at least a couple hours. How about I take a break around 1 and we can eat the picnic in the yard together?
Getting out to Harvest Point will take at least a couple hours. How about I take a break around 1 and we can eat the picnic in the yard together?
JILL
A little exercise will help you get some sleep tonight. You need to be fresh for the tenure interview.
A little exercise will help you get some sleep tonight. You need to be fresh for the tenure interview.
JACK
Finishing this before 2am will help me sleep.
Finishing this before 2am will help me sleep.
JILL
It’s not even noon.
It’s not even noon.
JACK
And I’ve got a lot to do.
And I’ve got a lot to do.
JILL
How many chances do we get at a day like this?
How many chances do we get at a day like this?
JACK
More than chances for tenure.
More than chances for tenure.
JILL
What are we going to say to Jimmy when the dog dies?
What are we going to say to Jimmy when the dog dies?
JACK
The dog’s fine.
The dog’s fine.
JILL
He’s turning 13 next week.
He’s turning 13 next week.
JACK
He’s still got tons of energy, he swims on our hikes.
He’s still got tons of energy, he swims on our hikes.
JILL
It’s six months until spring. Six months is a long time for a dog. How many more days like this are we going to get before then?
It’s six months until spring. Six months is a long time for a dog. How many more days like this are we going to get before then?
JACK
If I don’t get tenure, we can’t keep our son in private school.
If I don’t get tenure, we can’t keep our son in private school.
JILL
You’ve been here five years. They know you. They know your work. They know your book is coming out, it’s just a little late. You can sit and obsess and probably over think all this and mess it up, or you can come out with me and the dog, enjoy the day, clear your head, and do better work.
You’ve been here five years. They know you. They know your work. They know your book is coming out, it’s just a little late. You can sit and obsess and probably over think all this and mess it up, or you can come out with me and the dog, enjoy the day, clear your head, and do better work.
JACK
I don’t have time today to just get out there and enjoy things, okay? There’s too much on the line.
I don’t have time today to just get out there and enjoy things, okay? There’s too much on the line.
JILL
When you feel like you don’t have enough time is when you need to get out there most. To get your perspective right. They know you’re good at your job. You need to relax and you’ll get this done. Come for a hike, you’ll see. Hike for a couple hours with me and the dog, have a little picnic, and then we pick up Jimmy from school— After that, the portfolio will just write itself. And I’ll help you if it doesn’t.
When you feel like you don’t have enough time is when you need to get out there most. To get your perspective right. They know you’re good at your job. You need to relax and you’ll get this done. Come for a hike, you’ll see. Hike for a couple hours with me and the dog, have a little picnic, and then we pick up Jimmy from school— After that, the portfolio will just write itself. And I’ll help you if it doesn’t.
JACK
Give me the leash.
Give me the leash.
Jacob is head of
playwriting at Southern Illinois University, Carbondale.
Read his full lengths here.
Read his full lengths here.
Death Drive
Death
Drive
By Jacob Juntunen
By Jacob Juntunen
MIKE
All right. The whole truth, then. You know what Freud calls the death drive? It’s always been real strong in me. Whenever I’m driving on those two-lane country roads at night, and headlights are coming towards me, I just want to swerve into the left hand lane, just, be done with it all. That’s the first part of the truth.
All right. The whole truth, then. You know what Freud calls the death drive? It’s always been real strong in me. Whenever I’m driving on those two-lane country roads at night, and headlights are coming towards me, I just want to swerve into the left hand lane, just, be done with it all. That’s the first part of the truth.
Ten years ago, I started seeing a psychiatrist because I
was scaring myself. But I guess you know that. I guess you’ve already talked to
her under that “threat to myself or others” clause. I never got rid of the
impulses altogether, that’s true, but they became less loud, more manageable. I
didn’t like to get too close to the edge of subway tracks when I was on
business trips, and I tried to avoid those country lanes at night, but it was
okay, whatever she told you.
So what was I doing out on 550 at midnight? I just wanted
pizza. The only place that was still open was Avalanche, out on State Street.
So I had to leave the farm and drive out there. If it wasn’t for that stupid
pizza and the death drive, he’d still be alive.
But if you look at the skid marks, you’ll see he swerved
into my lane. It was intentional. I could see my headlights reflecting in his
eyes, like a cat’s, right through the windshield. He looked… determined. I
understood it. There’s no way I could have stopped with the fifty-five miles
per hour speed limit. Not with him coming at me head on. If it wasn’t for the
Volvo, I’m sure I’d be in the graveyard next to him.
My impulses from the past might make it look suspicious,
and it’s a big coincidence, I’ll grant you that, your honor, but it was his
death drive, not mine, on the road that night. I’m innocent. And that’s the
truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me God.
Jacob is head of
playwriting at Southern Illinois University, Carbondale.
Read his full lengths here.
Read his full lengths here.
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Control
Control
By Jacob Juntunen
By Jacob Juntunen
AGENT
Just an update, ladies and gentlemen, your plane isn’t here yet. It’s still at the gate in Charlotte, so just hang tight near the gate, and I’ll provide information as I have it. Thank you for your patience.
Just an update, ladies and gentlemen, your plane isn’t here yet. It’s still at the gate in Charlotte, so just hang tight near the gate, and I’ll provide information as I have it. Thank you for your patience.
CUSTOMER enters.
CUSTOMER
Hi, I’m on this flight, and I need to know when it will make it to LaGuardia.
Hi, I’m on this flight, and I need to know when it will make it to LaGuardia.
AGENT
Once the plane’s in the air from Charlotte, it’s about an hour travel time, and once it’s here we’ll have to deplane it. But then we’ll get you on as quickly as possible.
Once the plane’s in the air from Charlotte, it’s about an hour travel time, and once it’s here we’ll have to deplane it. But then we’ll get you on as quickly as possible.
CUSTOMER
Okay, but when will the plane get here?
Okay, but when will the plane get here?
AGENT
About an hour after it takes off.
About an hour after it takes off.
CUSTOMER
And when will it take off?
And when will it take off?
AGENT
I don’t have that information.
I don’t have that information.
CUSTOMER
Why not?
Why not?
AGENT
It’s up to flight control in Charlotte.
It’s up to flight control in Charlotte.
CUSTOMER
Well, what’s going on?
Well, what’s going on?
AGENT
There’s a delay?
There’s a delay?
CUSTOMER
I know that, but why?
I know that, but why?
AGENT
I don’t have that information either, but it’s probably the weather.
I don’t have that information either, but it’s probably the weather.
CUSTOMER
It’s perfectly sunny.
It’s perfectly sunny.
AGENT
Here, yes, but there’s a storm system in Charlotte. It’s probably that.
Here, yes, but there’s a storm system in Charlotte. It’s probably that.
CUSTOMER
So when will the plane take off?
So when will the plane take off?
AGENT
I don’t know ma’am.
I don’t know ma’am.
CUSTOMER
How can I find out?
How can I find out?
AGENT
You can’t.
You can’t.
CUSTOMER
But I need to know when I’ll get to LaGuardia.
But I need to know when I’ll get to LaGuardia.
AGENT
I’m sorry, ma’am.
I’m sorry, ma’am.
CUSTOMER
Can I speak to your supervisor?
Can I speak to your supervisor?
AGENT
He’s not going to know anything different than what I have here.
He’s not going to know anything different than what I have here.
CUSTOMER
Please call him.
Please call him.
AGENT
Ma’am, I have the most up to date information, and we’re just waiting on the plane out of Charlotte. There’s nothing we can do to—
Ma’am, I have the most up to date information, and we’re just waiting on the plane out of Charlotte. There’s nothing we can do to—
CUSTOMER
How can there be nothing? I’ve got to get to LaGuardia.
How can there be nothing? I’ve got to get to LaGuardia.
AGENT
I understand that, but—
I understand that, but—
CUSTOMER
Tell me what’s going on!
Tell me what’s going on!
AGENT
Ma’am, please sit back down or I’ll have to call security.
Ma’am, please sit back down or I’ll have to call security.
CUSTOMER
To what, arrest me? You’re the one that should be arrested! I paid for this flight, and I demand to know what time we’ll be taking off!
To what, arrest me? You’re the one that should be arrested! I paid for this flight, and I demand to know what time we’ll be taking off!
AGENT
(on phone) Charlie, we’ve got a 147 at gate C18—
(on phone) Charlie, we’ve got a 147 at gate C18—
CUSTOMER
I’m not a 147, I’m a person! I demand—
I’m not a 147, I’m a person! I demand—
AGENT
Thanks, Charlie.
Thanks, Charlie.
CUSTOMER
Don’t you dare ignore me!
Don’t you dare ignore me!
AGENT
I’m not ignoring you, ma’am. And if you don’t sit down the nice men right over there walking this way won’t be ignoring you, either.
I’m not ignoring you, ma’am. And if you don’t sit down the nice men right over there walking this way won’t be ignoring you, either.
CUSTOMER
This is a crime! A crime!
This is a crime! A crime!
AGENT
As you say, ma’am.
As you say, ma’am.
CUSTOMER
I’m sitting, but I’m calling customer service and demanding an explanation! And that you get fired! You tangled with the wrong lady, mister!
I’m sitting, but I’m calling customer service and demanding an explanation! And that you get fired! You tangled with the wrong lady, mister!
AGENT
Okay, ma’am.
Okay, ma’am.
CUSTOMER exits.
AGENT
(cont)
Again, ladies and gentlemen, your plane is still at the gate in Charlotte. I’ll provide information as soon as there’s a change. Thank you for your patience.
Again, ladies and gentlemen, your plane is still at the gate in Charlotte. I’ll provide information as soon as there’s a change. Thank you for your patience.
Jacob is head of
playwriting at Southern Illinois University, Carbondale.
Read his full lengths here.
Read his full lengths here.
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Zombie Doom
Zombie
Doom
By Jacob Juntunen
By Jacob Juntunen
For
Jeremy Sony
Two women sit together.
Brandy
So can I stay?
So can I stay?
Erin
Everything’s been so fucked up since Zombie Doom.
Everything’s been so fucked up since Zombie Doom.
Brandy
I’m good at the game. Let me be on your team.
I’m good at the game. Let me be on your team.
Erin
Let’s hear the rest of your story first. Then what did you do?
Let’s hear the rest of your story first. Then what did you do?
Brandy
What could I do? I had to choose between the shotgun and the pistol.
What could I do? I had to choose between the shotgun and the pistol.
Erin
You had bullets?
You had bullets?
Brandy
That was the thing. I only had two shotgun shells left, but I got the pistol off a policeman’s corpse before he reanimated. So I had a full chamber, plus a couple cartridges.
That was the thing. I only had two shotgun shells left, but I got the pistol off a policeman’s corpse before he reanimated. So I had a full chamber, plus a couple cartridges.
Erin
And it’s a 45?
And it’s a 45?
Brandy
Police-issue. Anyway, I went with the shotgun and got a one of them, but the other one wasn’t a clean head shot, and you know how if you don’t hit that bull’s eye target, they don’t go down? So, yeah. Had to run.
Police-issue. Anyway, I went with the shotgun and got a one of them, but the other one wasn’t a clean head shot, and you know how if you don’t hit that bull’s eye target, they don’t go down? So, yeah. Had to run.
Erin
You’re telling me running’s your special skill?
You’re telling me running’s your special skill?
Brandy
Hotwiring’s my special skill. I took the police car right out of that parking garage. Ran over a bunch of ‘em.
Hotwiring’s my special skill. I took the police car right out of that parking garage. Ran over a bunch of ‘em.
Erin
Nice.
Nice.
Brandy
I don’t know if that kills ‘em, though.
I don’t know if that kills ‘em, though.
Erin
Only if you crush the head. Gotta see brains. It should be rated R.
Only if you crush the head. Gotta see brains. It should be rated R.
Brandy
Yeah, right. “Hey, kids, don’t try this at home.”
Yeah, right. “Hey, kids, don’t try this at home.”
Erin
Except it’s kids that are best at it.
Except it’s kids that are best at it.
Brandy
I know, right?
I know, right?
Erin
Well, they grew up with it.
Well, they grew up with it.
Brandy
I don’t know if I even want to have kids now, in this culture.
I don’t know if I even want to have kids now, in this culture.
Erin
Don’t tell Tom that, though.
Don’t tell Tom that, though.
Brandy
Oh, shit. That’s not a problem for you, is it?
Oh, shit. That’s not a problem for you, is it?
Erin
I don’t care whether you have kids. I stayed on the pill as long as I could. But Tom wants to repopulate the Earth or some shit. No woman’s going to stay here without getting fucked.
I don’t care whether you have kids. I stayed on the pill as long as I could. But Tom wants to repopulate the Earth or some shit. No woman’s going to stay here without getting fucked.
Brandy
Jesus. He’s your husband.
Jesus. He’s your husband.
Erin
Yeah, well, those distinctions don’t seem to matter now after Zombie Doom.
Yeah, well, those distinctions don’t seem to matter now after Zombie Doom.
Brandy
Aren’t you jealous?
Aren’t you jealous?
Erin
It’s not like I can go anywhere. And I can’t run the farm without him.
It’s not like I can go anywhere. And I can’t run the farm without him.
Brandy
Shit. Well. All right, if fucking’s part of the package, whatever, I’ll deal. I can’t keep running. I need to stay with you guys. You’re the first uninfected people I’ve met that have a working farm still. I’ve got the shotgun—
Shit. Well. All right, if fucking’s part of the package, whatever, I’ll deal. I can’t keep running. I need to stay with you guys. You’re the first uninfected people I’ve met that have a working farm still. I’ve got the shotgun—
Brandy
But no shells—
But no shells—
Erin
Hey, it works, all right? Plus the pistol and a couple full cartridges. The cop car’s got half a tank of gas, billy club, tools in the trunk. And, I’ve got seeds.
Hey, it works, all right? Plus the pistol and a couple full cartridges. The cop car’s got half a tank of gas, billy club, tools in the trunk. And, I’ve got seeds.
Brandy
What kind?
What kind?
Erin
Wheat. Corn. Carrots.
Wheat. Corn. Carrots.
Brandy
Where’d you get seeds?
Where’d you get seeds?
Erin
There’s a general store in Amesville no one got to yet.
There’s a general store in Amesville no one got to yet.
Brandy
Bullshit.
Bullshit.
Erin
The seeds are in the car if you don’t believe me.
The seeds are in the car if you don’t believe me.
Brandy
Let’s go take a look. If you’ve got seeds and can deal with Tom’s repopulation plans, looks like you can stay.
Let’s go take a look. If you’ve got seeds and can deal with Tom’s repopulation plans, looks like you can stay.
Jacob is head of
playwriting at Southern Illinois University, Carbondale.
Read his full lengths here.
Read his full lengths here.
Friday, August 3, 2012
The Dead Line
The
Dead Line
By Jacob Juntunen
By Jacob Juntunen
STUDENT sits in PROFESSOR’s office.
PROFESSOR
So how was your summer? Did you finish the research for your thesis play?
So how was your summer? Did you finish the research for your thesis play?
STUDENT
That’s what I wanted to talk about.
That’s what I wanted to talk about.
PROFESSOR
I don’t know if I like the sound of that.
I don’t know if I like the sound of that.
STUDENT
I did all the secondary research—
I did all the secondary research—
PROFESSOR
Sure.
Sure.
STUDENT
Had a really solid idea for the plot—
Had a really solid idea for the plot—
PROFESSOR
The one from the Pullman Grant application?
The one from the Pullman Grant application?
STUDENT
Basically.
Basically.
PROFESSOR
Too bad you didn’t get that.
Too bad you didn’t get that.
STUDENT
Yes. Exactly. Because, if I had, I would have made it to the archive before last week. I’m going to need an extension on the first draft.
Yes. Exactly. Because, if I had, I would have made it to the archive before last week. I’m going to need an extension on the first draft.
PROFESSOR
How much do you have written?
How much do you have written?
STUDENT
See, that’s the thing, at the archive I learned—
See, that’s the thing, at the archive I learned—
PROFESSOR
How many pages?
How many pages?
STUDENT
None. Exactly.
None. Exactly.
PROFESSOR
You have some inexactly written?
You have some inexactly written?
STUDENT
Actually, yes, you see, the archive made my plot impossible—
Actually, yes, you see, the archive made my plot impossible—
PROFESSOR
How so?
How so?
STUDENT
Well, I thought the women working at Auschwitz went to the recreation lodge throughout the duration of 1944, but it seems like they went once. For eight hours. A day trip.
Well, I thought the women working at Auschwitz went to the recreation lodge throughout the duration of 1944, but it seems like they went once. For eight hours. A day trip.
PROFESSOR
So what’s the problem?
So what’s the problem?
STUDENT
My plot was based on these women visiting with SS officers over this very specific period of time—
My plot was based on these women visiting with SS officers over this very specific period of time—
PROFESSOR
And why can’t you write that?
And why can’t you write that?
STUDENT
It’s not what happened.
It’s not what happened.
PROFESSOR
You’re writing fiction, aren’t you?
You’re writing fiction, aren’t you?
STUDENT
But based on a historical—
But based on a historical—
PROFESSOR
Listen. History is in service to your narrative here, and you need a thesis play. The deadline is inflexible if you want to graduate before your funding runs out.
Listen. History is in service to your narrative here, and you need a thesis play. The deadline is inflexible if you want to graduate before your funding runs out.
STUDENT
There’s got to be some wiggle room—
There’s got to be some wiggle room—
PROFESSOR
None.
None.
STUDENT
But, see, here’s the thing, this is a huge topic, the tone has to be just right—
But, see, here’s the thing, this is a huge topic, the tone has to be just right—
PROFESSOR
I agree.
I agree.
STUDENT
So I’ve got to work within the facts.
So I’ve got to work within the facts.
PROFESSOR
I don’t see that.
I don’t see that.
STUDENT
I feel like the dead are watching me, like I owe it to them—
I feel like the dead are watching me, like I owe it to them—
PROFESSOR
What you owe is emotional truth, everyone takes liberties with history, look at Shakespeare.
What you owe is emotional truth, everyone takes liberties with history, look at Shakespeare.
STUDENT
Right, look at Shakespeare. He didn’t write history plays, he wrote propaganda plays for the ruling regime—
Right, look at Shakespeare. He didn’t write history plays, he wrote propaganda plays for the ruling regime—
PROFESSOR
He manipulated history to find the truth within lies; that’s what an artist does.
He manipulated history to find the truth within lies; that’s what an artist does.
STUDENT
But his lies supported Elizabeth’s reign, I can’t just throw out these facts—
But his lies supported Elizabeth’s reign, I can’t just throw out these facts—
PROFESSOR
Of course you can. We’re dramatists, not historians, and if this were a commission you’d have to turn in a product.
Of course you can. We’re dramatists, not historians, and if this were a commission you’d have to turn in a product.
STUDENT
But if we ignore history, even the dead won’t be safe.
But if we ignore history, even the dead won’t be safe.
PROFESSOR
You’re really stuck on dead people.
You’re really stuck on dead people.
STUDENT
That’s who I’m writing about!
That’s who I’m writing about!
PROFESSOR
There’s a deadline to apply for graduation. In order to make that deadline, your thesis committee must see a script and see it develop. If you have no draft for us by the deadline—
There’s a deadline to apply for graduation. In order to make that deadline, your thesis committee must see a script and see it develop. If you have no draft for us by the deadline—
STUDENT
But there’s a line of dead people behind this whole project: my Polish ancestors, my wife’s family who died at Auschwitz, the perpetrators who were human, too, despite what we want to think about them—
But there’s a line of dead people behind this whole project: my Polish ancestors, my wife’s family who died at Auschwitz, the perpetrators who were human, too, despite what we want to think about them—
PROFESSOR
So which deadline do you care about? The one towards your degree and everything you’ve worked for during your years here, or this ethereal list of people who aren’t in your life?
So which deadline do you care about? The one towards your degree and everything you’ve worked for during your years here, or this ethereal list of people who aren’t in your life?
STUDENT
They’re why I’m here.
They’re why I’m here.
PROFESSOR
I’m why you’re in this program—
I’m why you’re in this program—
STUDENT
No, I mean, they’re why I’m on this earth.
No, I mean, they’re why I’m on this earth.
PROFESSOR
If there’s no draft, I don’t know whether we can grant you a degree this year. Maybe never Write the play you proposed.
If there’s no draft, I don’t know whether we can grant you a degree this year. Maybe never Write the play you proposed.
STUDENT
I am. I’m writing the truth behind the lies I unintentionally told in my proposal.
I am. I’m writing the truth behind the lies I unintentionally told in my proposal.
PROFESSOR
Fine. As long as I have pages on my desk by Monday.
Fine. As long as I have pages on my desk by Monday.
STUDENT
I have to continue research—
I have to continue research—
PROFESSOR
The time for that is past. Without any text, we’ll have to reconsider your funding.
The time for that is past. Without any text, we’ll have to reconsider your funding.
STUDENT
Well. You’d better have that meeting with the powers that be, then. Send me an e-mail if I need to start applying for jobs.
Well. You’d better have that meeting with the powers that be, then. Send me an e-mail if I need to start applying for jobs.
Jacob is head of
playwriting at Southern Illinois University, Carbondale.
Read his full lengths here.
Read his full lengths here.
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